I won't go into the full details about the whole thing, but it is divided into two parts on DeviantArt, and you can find specific notes about each section in their respective posts. I have another story up as well and a third still being worked upon (well, once I get a MASSIVE case of writer's block out of the way first lol), and as soon as those are uploaded I will cross-post them here as well. For now, though, enjoy, y'all!
Part 1 on DeviantArt
Part 2 on DeviantArt
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Max Gluteus and the Hummingbird Headdress
by Skaea
Contains: */M and some */F Hotbuns. Mildly NSFW.
Word Count: 15,996
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This was, without a
doubt, the worst day of my life.
At just twenty-five years of age, I’d been the talk of the town for almost half a decade now — short, curly dark hair, equally dark eyes, flawless beige skin, and perfectly toned, athletic body, the works. By all rights, I should’ve been one of the brightest and most brilliant archaeologists the world had ever seen.
As it turned out, I was indeed one of the brightest and most brilliant archaeologists the world had ever seen… and also one of the most unlucky.
It’s not every day that you end up deep in the heart of the Amazon jungle, tangled up in several thin, ivy-like lianas, eight feet off the ground. The vines had tied my knees against my sides and my arms over my head, and my accursed assets exposed below me — my pants and underwear had even been loosened and pulled down, so that my lower cheeks were fully exposed, and spread so widely that I could almost feel the tropical steam against my hole.
What was far more concerning, though, was that I was dangling just a foot above a very sharp spear, held by a beautiful tribal girl with skin the color of milk chocolate, long black hair that went down to her lower back, a mischievous expression upon her painted face, a cluster of macaw feathers in her hair, and a loincloth and bra that looked like they could easily have been made from a single peccary tail.
“Fancy to see you around here, white man,” she said cheerily. “So, what made you decide to do your business onto our land?”
“It’s not what it looks like, trust me,” I grumbled. “And technically, I’m Asian. Now, do me a favor and get me down? That spear looks like it’s getting closer by the second.”
“Closer, huh?” She chuckled with trollish intent, and then thrust it sharply upwards.
“YEEOWWWW!!!” I howled in pain, having felt the needle-pointed flint spearhead jabbing into the tender flesh of my taint. “N-NOT THAT CLOSE!!”
“Serves you right for intruding upon our sacred grounds.” She laughed with scorn. “You’re with him, are you?!”
“W-wait, who?! GYAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”
She’d jabbed me a second time, this time nailing my helpless left buttock. “That evil white man who wants to steal the sacred relic we call the Hummingbird Headdress!”
“Ah, I see you’ve met my nemesis, Agent Nile. Well, I’m here to get the Crown back, so if you could put your spear away and get me down, I’ll be happy to help you, miss… uh…”
“It’s Tlacotl. And no, I won’t.”
I recognized that name as meaning “long slender stick” in the Nahuatl tribe language. I wisely decided not to ask about what kind of stick her name referred to, though, and simply replied, “Won’t what?”
“Put my spear away.”
“Why?”
“The vines are loosening.”
I started, looking up in a panic, and realized that she was right. The vines were now loosening thanks to my struggles, and while that would normally be a good thing, the fact that she was now planting the butt of her spear into the soil directly under me made it very much not so.
“N-no, please! You’ve already—” I protested, but she cut me off.
“I’ll have to take you to the tribe chieftain, because I’m sure he’ll have questions about why you came so soon after this ‘Dr. Nile’. And since it seems like you’ll fight back once you get loose…”
The vines slipped, dropping me two inches. I whimpered in terror, realizing what was coming.
Then they slipped again.
And again.
And finally, after only enough time for me to cry “Oh, f—!”, the vines finally released me… dropping me six inches onto a very sharp flint-tipped spear that sank deep into the intimate flesh between my buttocks, a mere inch from my tightened hole.
There was one brief pause, where my eyes widened until they were as round as gumballs. And then…
“YIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWCCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”
My scream of total agony sent birds scattering into the air for miles around.
