Mind's Eye In: Care Package Calamity! (Hotbuns)

This is the second story regarding Mind's Eye and his regular misfortunes - it's also the last we managed to produce so far, alas, because the writing process happened before recent events led to things getting hectic on my end. We do plan to revisit him someday, though - we just need to work out what specific scenarios need to be included and how to tie them all together into a consistent plot. It's definitely going to be coming around soon, though. In the meantime, we hope you enjoy this one!

All characters belong to the writers.


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Mind's Eye In: Care Package Calamity!

by Skaea and an anonymous co-writer

Contains: F/M, M/M, */M, and some */F hotbuns. Mildly NSFW.

Word Count: 16,858 

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“Hello? Clara, are you home?”

Zeaka knocked on the door to his girlfriend’s house again, trying to listen for her thoughts. He hoped the bouquet of purple and red carnations and roses would be enough to impress her, but he figured they could hit it up nicely enough without them… though last he’d heard, she was still upset with him over running off on his first mission without letting her know beforehand. Still, any romantic gesture would surely help.

Zeaka is here…? Why is he here…? Probably coming to beg for my forgiveness for the millionth time…Clara opened the door and stared at the brown-haired young man, and more specifically the bouquet he was holding. “Hello, Zechariah...come to beg for forgiveness again?” she rolled her eyes. “What, no chocolates?”

“…still mad at me for blowing up that warehouse last week without telling you, are you?” he pouted cutely.

Clara did her best to keep a stern look on her face, but couldn’t help thinking that he looked adorably pitiful. Damn you, Zechariah...you and that adorable pout...no! I’m mad. I’m supposed to be mad!

“So, uh. Can I still come in?” he asked, feeling understandably guilty. “I was hoping I could make it up to you after the, uh…” He trailed off, not really needing to say anything else.

“Fine. You can come in.” She sighed and opened the door wider. She snatched the bouquet from him. “Carnations, how lovely, but you know I hate roses. Roses are way too basic…”

“This was the only arrangement they had at Alraune-O’-Mart,” he admitted sheepishly, before stepping into the house.

“Okay well, I’ll just separate the carnations from the roses, then. I do appreciate the gesture, though. If you really wanted to make it up to me, you should have brought a huge box of chocolates. I’d be all over you if you had,” she half joked.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time,” he replied, shrugging and setting the bouquet on the coffee table in the guest room, next to a beautiful antique purple vase that he was very surprised nobody had knocked over yet.

Clara smiled softly and began separating the roses from the carnations, humming prettily. “You know, if you didn’t run off like you did without telling me and if you hadn’t put yourself in danger like you did, I wouldn’t be so mad at you.” As she spoke, she alternately placed the carnations in the purple vase, and tossed the roses aside and onto the couch.

Zeaka could hear the hurt in her mind, which stung as badly as what was about to happen to him in a few minutes. “I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve let you know at least where I was going. But I worried that if I let you know, you’d end up going there too and getting in danger yourself.” He sighed, leaning against the nearest wall. “Stupid, I know, but seeing as I have powers and you don’t…”

“If you had told me to stay put, I would have… Or I may have followed you from a safe distance. Maybe I should follow you from now on to prevent you from getting hurt so badly?” She patted his still sore bottom.

“There’s always the risk of you becoming a target,” he replied, making his way to the couch. “Doesn’t matter now, though. The best we can do is keep monitoring the effects of Mind’s Eye and hope for the beEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!”

He’d heard a horrible crunching noise the moment he’d sat in the couch, and then leaped up with a howl of pain. The roses were now painfully embedded in the seat of his pants. “The couch, Clara?! Seriously!?”

“Serves you right, Zechariah… Hmph.” She crossed her arms and stuck her nose up into the air. “After making it sound like I would only get in the way? You can be such a jerk sometimes!”

“Ow ow ow owwww!” Zeaka did a pained little jig, trying to pull the thorny flower stems out of his bottom. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s just that I read so many superhero comics as a kid, and now that I’m an actual superhero I’m afraid all those trends could come true! Aieeeee!” He’d pulled one of the roses off of him, yelping as the thorns had been ripped out of his skin.

“Oh, bend over. I’ll get them out.” She huffed.

“I deserve another spanking for what I just said, don’t I?” he replied with a whimper of mortal fear, before instantly complying.

“You deserve more than that, but I’m willing to let it slide for now, seeing as your bottom is still sore from your… incident. Besides, the thorns have done a pretty good job.” She rolled her eyes and got to work, ignoring the “OW!”s and “YOWCH”-es from her hapless boyfriend.

She was nearly done before a noise came from Zeaka’s pocket.

“What was that? Was that your phone? If so, you are going to ignore it because you are here to make up to me.” She swatted his ass with the rose in her hand.

Blinking the pained tears from his eyes, he suddenly yelped in anguish as the thorns punctured his behind once again. “AAARRRRRGHHH! D-don’t worry, it’s Saturday… And anyway I think my order came through.”

“Good...wait order? What order?” Clara asked with a raised eyebrow.

Another awkward silence passed before Zeaka spoke up. “Well, I may have ordered a care package for you as well, just so you’d know that you’d be safe in the event that my new life as a registered hero ends up interfering with our relationship… I hope that wasn’t overdoing it, though. Ain’t I enough of a care package as it is?” He winked at her with a flirty little purr.

Clara glared and pulled out the last rose as hard as she could before smacking his ass with it.

“AAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

“Seriously? Flirting will get you nowhere!”

Sobbing and squealing, he waited for her to clean his wounds as patiently as he could. “I’m g-guessing that’s a no to the care package, then?”

“You are such a child and no, I want the package. I love receiving gifts, you know that. Maybe it will be enough to make me forgive you…”

It took a while for her to dress his injuries and repair his pants, but finally he stood up, rubbing his still-sore bottom. A moment later, he checked his phone, and groaned in dismay.

“Well… crap. The address got misplaced. Gonna have to go get it from wherever it got delivered to…”

“And I was just beginning to have some fun.” She smirked. “Okay, fine. I guess I’ll forgive you — if you can get the package for me.”

He grinned almost immediately, and winked at her again. “Anything for you, sweetheart. And don’t you worry — I’ll remember to buy chocolates for you too on the way back!”

Clara smiled and gave him a little pat on the butt. “Alright, fine. You’ve got yourself a deal.” She kissed his cheek, hoping that whatever was in the care package, it had better be good.

**********

The good news: the package was largely intact, being a foot and a half in length on each side, and very much visible on the doorstep of the house it was delivered to.

The bad news: the house was a six-figure estate, surrounded by an electric fence nearly twice as tall as Zeaka, who had wisely forgone his suit for now in favor of an all black outfit with a baseball cap and facial bandanna to match.

Glancing up at the “NO TRESPASSING” sign on the wrought-iron front gate, the brunette wondered if this really was a good idea. But then again, that very tantalizing care package was sitting on the porch. If he really was going to make good on his deal with Clara, he’d have to get it, no matter what the risk.

The space beyond the fence was surrounded by a number of massive trees, a few of which had branches protruding over the fence. All of them were much higher than the fence itself, and definitely too high and attached to trunks too smooth for a person to climb.

But who said Zeaka was going to climb up there?

One impressive leap, thankfully unseen in the middle of the forest the mansion was in, and he was on a particularly sturdy branch, ready to make the jump into the lawn. If only he could get just a little closer…

He made his way along the branch, just a few more inches and then he’d make his move. He hoped the security cameras wouldn’t catch him in the act, but if he got caught he’d at least have an explanation once he presented the misplaced delivery address. He inched ever closer to the fence, bunching up his muscles in preparation for the leap…

And that was where it all went wrong. He suddenly heard a sudden CRACK, and felt the branch give way a bit. There was a secondary CRACK and the branch broke completely, causing him to land groin-first onto the fence below him.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!

“AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaARRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRGGggggGGGHHHH!!!”

Not only were his rather large and sensitive gonads smooshed against his pelvis, but they were also introduced to several thousand volts of electricity at the same time. It rendered his hyperactive nervous system virtually catatonic.

So he was literally stunned stupid when he finally fell off the fence… and landed butt-first in a clump of stinging nettles.

CRUNCH!!

“EEEEEYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUCH!!!”

If any guard animals were around here, the noise would surely wake them up. The agony shooting through his spine was enough to jolt him to his senses, the thumping noise of what seemed like his accelerated heartbeat ringing in his ears. It was then that he realized that he had only a microscopic window of opportunity. The moment he laid eyes on the package, he dashed for it, easily clearing the several hundred feet between it and the fence. Now he just had to pick it up and—

At that precise moment, he heard a low, menacing growl. He hadn't realized what that padding sound from the lawn was until just now; he'd thought it was his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. But his smell and hearing now picked up something large, furry, and not impressed in the immediate vicinity.

He picked up the package, turned, and promptly lost all the color in his handsome face. Coming from behind him, its tail swishing in anticipation, was a large wild cat with fur as black as coal. He could hear the thoughts of animals too, and even though he couldn't decipher them, he knew instantly that the enormous black leopard before him was anything but friendly.

One thought crossed Zeaka's mind: You have got to be kidding me.

The security panther, as beautiful as it was deadly, suddenly ran at him at top speed, its fearsome teeth bared in a snarl. He tried to throw open the door of the house, but he was not fast enough. The panther snapped its jaws at Zeaka, tearing the leg of his jeans, and with a scream of terror he whirled and kicked at it. It was not, in hindsight, a wise idea, for a moment later the beast growled loudly and lunged at him again, its teeth aiming at the area in between his legs.

“NOOOOO! BAD KITTY!”

CHOMP!

“AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

The leopard growled as it shook its head, as if Zeaka’s egg-sized balls were a chew toy. It readjusted its grip on him and scratched at his pants, tearing rips into the fabric as it dragged him away from the porch.

It was another minute of struggling and screaming before he managed to kick the great cat in the face, sending it tumbling away. It was amazing his genitals were still attached. Before it could get to its feet, he had ran for the door, entered the passcode based on the scent of the owner's fingertips on the keypad, and darted inside. The care package, of course, remained on the porch, dropped in panic before its recipient had gotten mauled for the first time that day — and not the last.

No sooner had he slammed the door in the face of the angry leopard when an alarm suddenly went off and there was a red spinning light. A robotic voice sounded throughout the house. “INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! DEFENSIVE PROCEDURES ACTIVATED!”

Before he could respond, a round eyeball-looking camera darted out of the wall next to Zeaka and scanned him. “UNKNOWN PERSON! CONTINUING WITH DEFENSIVE PROCEDURES!”

Zeaka’s beautiful blue eyes widened, and then he dragged his fingertips down his face with a groan of “OH, COME ON!”

With a whirring pop, a laser gun suddenly emerged from the wall, before pointing in his direction. Even his lightning-fast reactions couldn’t beat the speed of light: before he could dive for cover, a red laser beam shot out at his feet, making him squeal and dance as though he were a monkey on hot coals. One shot landed on his right foot, burning a hole in his shoe and singing his sock.

“YEEEEK!” Bouncing frantically on his other foot, he blundered backwards in a bid to avoid the laser beam… without noticing a potted cactus directly behind him. In his defense, the laser gun was distracting him too much…

CRUNCH-POINK-POINK-POINK-POINK!

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCH!!!”

The poor boy realized with a sinking feeling that this would be just the beginning of his misfortune inside of this house. But there was more to come than even he’d suspect… For now, he was desperately trying to escape the lasers, and now had cactus needles in his bottom to complain about, too. The lasers were still firing at him, tracking his every move.

One thing his acute vision did notice, however, was that even without the lasers or his own clumsy blundering, there were plenty of upended, broken pieces of furniture scattered everywhere, including a few broken vases made from priceless Ming china. Had there been some kind of fight?

That thought instantly vanished from Zeaka’s mind, however, when a laser blast hit his ass dead center. “AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

At least the blast had burned up all the cactus spines, he gave it that.

Staggering into the living room, he was glad to be out of the range of that awful laser gun, but then he remembered that if this house really was as protected as his entrance had indicated, it’d have security in every room. He had to find cover before—

He stepped on something like a button in the floor and he heard a strange noise. There was another sudden sharp pain in his bottom as darts filled with a stinging toxin were released.

“OOOOWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Shrieking and flailing wildly, he tried to get away from the dart launcher in the wall, only to trip on the coffee table and topple face-first onto it. His vision detected another cactus, small and in a terracotta pot, that happened to be at just the perfect position for his crotch to hit it…

CRUNCH!

“YYYYYIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!”

Several more darts managed to nail his rather plump, jiggling buttocks by the time he’d managed to regain a sense of which way was up. Leaping to his feet, he tried to pull the cactus off his groin and also yank the darts out, risking more dart shots in the process. Screaming and cursing at the top of his lungs, he finally managed to pull the cactus out, but a number of its spines were lodged in his cock and balls, embedded deeply into the flesh and… oh god, they’d outright impaled his gonads! He thought he’d faint then and there but he steeled himself to pull out the vile things, dancing out of the way of the dart launchers as they reloaded for another go.

“GYAAAAAAH!”

He’d felt a sharp pain on his rump, even worse than the darts… He turned his head to see a little robotic vacuum cleaner with a robotic arm duct-taped to its chassis, which in turn had a very sharp knife affixed to its tip.

“EVEN THE VACUUM WANTS TO KILL ME?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS HOUSE I SWEEEEEYOOUUUUUCH!”

With the killer vacuum in hot pursuit (having stabbed him again), Zeaka tore like mad back across the living room. More darts zoomed nearby with sinister whizzing noises, with some nailing his arms, legs, and torso as he did his best to protect his very sore bottom and crotch from additional pain. Now hurting basically everywhere, Zeaka struggled not to keel over as he staggered out of the living room and into the kitchen.

After slamming the door in whatever equivalent to a face the vacuum with a knife had, he turned to inspect the kitchen. Right away he noticed the multiple stoves, a chill running down his spine. “Knowing the day I’m having, I gotta steer clear of those…” he mumbled to himself, before starting to pull cactus spines from his manhood and darts from everywhere else. “Ow! Owie! Ouch! Yeow! Ooh…!”

Unfortunately for Zeaka, he didn’t exactly watch where he was stepping on, his mind entirely focused on the incredible pain in his nether regions. Had he let his super-vision spread about he’d have noticed that there were some loaded mousetraps spread out all over the floor. He managed to step on one when he was focusing on his stinging crotch… and with the damaged shoe, no less.

SNAP!

“AAAAAAAARRRRGHHH!!”

The poor injured boy should have left the kitchen right then and there but in the severe amount of pain he was in, he couldn’t think properly. As he was hopping about in a bid to get the mousetrap off of his foot, he managed to step on another one. It seemed that he was a magnet for misfortune… At least he had his good shoe on, but it still hurt.

“WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MEEEE?!” he cried. Desperate to get the mousetraps off, he had to sit on one of the counters to pull it off. Looking up from his work, he noticed something else about the kitchen. There was a noticeable amount of damage in the drywall, as though something had hit it with terrible speed and force. And a number of pots and pans were strewn everywhere, one of which had a dent as though it’d been driven into someone’s head…

Upon tossing the second trap aside, he reclined on the counter to try and make sense of what he had witnessed. But then his hand hit what looked like a dial…

The stove began to heat up rather quickly. It was only a few seconds before Zeaka suddenly smelled something burning. He looked down, and his eyes went wide once more as he finally noticed the burner in between his legs. Said burner was now glowing a very hot red as it heated up his abused backside…

“YEEEEEEOOOOOOOOUUUUUUCH! HOT HOT HOTTTTT!!” Leaping off the stove (and making sure to turn it off before it burned the house down), he desperately tried to pat out the burning sensation in his bottom, looking around desperately for something to relieve the pain. His telescoping vision found the surprisingly full sink on the other side of the kitchen, and his legs were carrying him towards it in the next instant.

Without a second thought, he turned and flung himself over the sink, dropping his bottom into the water.

What he failed to notice was that there were several forks in the water and most were pointed upwards. When he sat down, he felt relief for only an instant before…

SHNNNNK!

…his cheeks became chock-full of very sharp tines.

“EEEEYYYYAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Howling and leaping high enough to bonk his head on the ceiling, he ended up with his head stuck in the tiling, struggling to pull the forks out. Kicking and flailing madly about, his foot kicked at one of the dials for another stove, unknowingly setting off the flame-burner.

It was only a few moments later when his head broke free from the ceiling tiling, and he tumbled back down. Butt-first. Onto the flame-burner.

FWOOOOOOSH!

“EEEEEEEYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCHHHH!!!”

Shrieking like a man possessed, he shut the second stove off before running pell-mell from the kitchen, dashing up the stairs and trying to find the bathroom while the seat of his pants was reduced to ash. The instant he saw it, he dove in, turning on the water tap. Before the water had even reached an inch deep, he turned and jumped backwards into the tub.

Sadly, in his haste he’d turned on the hot tap, not the cold one.

SSSSSSSSSSS!

“YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!”

Flailing and kicking about in a bid to get himself out of the scalding-hot water, he accidentally kicked down a glass candle — which wasn’t lit, thank heavens — and heard it shatter against the floor. Sobbing and squealing, he finally managed to slide his butt out of the tub, and slid down until the now unprotected man-buns hit the glass-shard-riddled floor…

CRINCH!

“YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! WHYYYYYYYY?!”

**********

After pulling the glass shards out of his bottom, making sure to fill the tub with cold water this time, and soaking his bum for several long minutes, Zeaka finally stood up and rubbed his very sore lower cheeks, deciding that it’d be best to just get out, grab the care package, and make a break for it. However, once he’d stepped out of the bathroom — making sure to peek out of the doorway first in case the security system decided to try and murder him again — he was just about to make a run for the nearest upstairs window when he noticed a light coming from a room nearby. Huh, odd. Nobody left their lights on in broad daylight, since there seemed to be a lot of large windows to provide natural lighting already.

But when he stepped into the room, he realized that the lights weren’t from the fixtures. There was a massive desk at the far end of the room, in front of a huge window with the blinds shut. Every single screen was on.

Zeaka was no programmer, but damn if he didn’t know how to use a computer. Looking at the monitors, he saw a number of console screens with numerous lines of data and code, virtually unreadable to someone like him but clearly important enough for him to question the logic of leaving the computer on and unsecured. Or, for that matter, leaving a brightly colored USB drive on the desk table…

Without any other recourse, he picked up the flash drive and plugged it in, hoping to find something in it that could help him make sense of all the commands and messages before him.

Then he saw the folders in the flash drive itself, and his eyes widened in horror.

He started inspecting the contents of each folder, the names of all of them instantly recognizable. The data for every single project, all the transactions and logs and experimental results, was contained in each named folder. Most of all, there was Mind’s Eye…

Without hesitation, he deleted every single folder containing project data from the drive, and emptied them all from the Recycle Bin on the computer. He didn’t care if the person who’d put the data in the drive had wanted to keep it, this was a direct violation of information security! But by the time he’d purged all the data, there was one folder left. It was simply labeled “New Folder”, but what was inside made his jaw all but hit the floor.

It was a heavily annotated map of the Osthanes Research Institute, every single floor included. Accompanying it was a collection of documents, with notes on schedules for guards, security mechanisms and countermeasures, and invoices for a collection of firearms that looked very familiar…

Closing all the folders, Zeaka pulled out the flash drive and stowed it in his shirt pocket. Then and only then did he notice the letters carved onto the desk surface:

GJS GOT ME. SEND HELF

His blood turned to ice as he connected the dots. Horror flooded his veins as he realized the truth, and more specifically why he’d been called to this place specifically. What was he going to tell Clara when he got home?

Before he could think about how to slip out of the house without tripping off anything else, however, he heard the same low growl as earlier. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that the security panther was directly behind him. He would never have guessed that the back door of the mansion had an unusually large cat flap…

With a frightened yell, he whirled around to face the cat, prepared to beat it off with a head-on fisticuff, but his hand knocked over a box of thumbtacks which promptly spilled onto the chair. The panther lunged, swiping with its claws; it missed, but it startled Zeaka enough to send him stumbling backwards. In an eerie echo of a certain incident at his workplace weeks earlier, he tripped over and onto the chair, and his rump was acquainted with some new friends as the tacks were painfully embedded into his swollen, burned, and already extremely sore arse.

“YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!”

The panther roared and lunged, slamming him into the desk and very nearly upsetting the monitors. Claws tore into his shirt as he grappled with the fearsome predator, but he managed to keep it from tearing his throat out and after a few precious seconds, he flung the beast off of him. Grabbing the chair that had been privy to the meeting between the tacks and his ass, Zeaka kicked at the snarling feline, clipping its ear, before bolting for the door, the cat in hot pursuit.

As soon as he saw the nearest window, he hurled the chair at it, shattering it, and leaped out without a second thought. The panther stopped, roaring and pawing at the air in annoyance, but then it noticed where he was heading and backed away for the first time that day.

Zeaka had not noticed, but he was about to land on a branch protruding from a tree that grew in front of the house — and on that branch was a rather busy-looking beehive. For the second time that day, he’d landed nuts-first onto the branch.

There was a sickening WHUMP of a pounded scrotum followed by a high-pitched, faint “eeeeeeeeee” from the poor house-raider, who slid off the branch and tumbled into the garden. And more specifically a thorny bush right below the tree.

CRUNCH!

“AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!”

Staggering to his feet, he held his sore butt and rubbed it tenderly, wishing Clara was there to help pick out the nasty thorns. He also wished this would end soon, but he doubted it would as long as he was within the perimeter of the fence. He’d gotten the evidence he needed; he just had to get the care package and make his leave tout suite.

Suddenly, something hit him on the head, and next moment, he felt something sticky trickling down his head. And there it was, an angry buzzing sound right behind him as the bees gathered around their broken home.

Realizing what was about to happen, he groaned in dismay. “Seriously?!”

ZZT! BZZP! POINK! SHNNK! ZING!

“YEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW! OW OW OUCH OWIE OWWCH YEEOWWW! GET AWAY! GYAAAAAAAH!”

He was running for his life now, and the bees swarmed around him still, stinging wherever he had skin showing. Then they saw it, the perfect spot to cause the most pain. The bees regrouped and aimed at his already swollen and sore ass. He’d veered in the direction of that damned care package, still sitting on the porch, when he suddenly felt dozens of stings on his bottom as well as some on his genitals, the bees getting sweet revenge on the man that had broken their hive.

“YAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEEEEEEEEES!!!”

Then the front door burst open, the snarling panther hesitating for one moment upon seeing the bees. But then Zeaka blew past him, grabbing the care package along the way, and upon seeing his tomato-red, completely exposed bottom, it instantly gave chase.

“NOT AGAIN!”

SNAP! “AAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!” CHOMP! “YEEEEEEEEEOOWWWWWCH!” RIP! “AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” CRUNCH! “BAD CAT! BAD CAAAAAT!!”

The panther, as well as the still stinging bees, were doing a number on poor Zeaka’s backside. He would surely need Clara’s help to patch him up. But first, he had to get out of here.

Upon reaching the electric fence, he tossed the box over it, aiming for some thankfully soft bushes on the other side; the box was safe, but he wasn’t. The bees and panther were closing in fast, and he only had an instant to make his escape… He saw another tree branch hanging over the fence, and instantly leaped for it.

His fingers wrapped tightly around the branch, which thankfully didn’t break this time. The panther growled and clawed at him, unable to reach. The bees, however, continued to sting his bum.

Looking back, he thought miserably, perhaps that “No Trespassing” sign might have been overdoing it a tad…

A few moments later, the stinging of the bees caused Zeaka to eventually lose his grip… before landing crotch-first, for the second time that day, onto the electrified fence below him.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!

“AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaARRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRGGggggGGGHHHH!!!”

His groin felt like it had been lit on fire, even worse than when he’d sat on the stove. Finally, he slipped off the fence… and missed the soft bushes the box had landed in by a good ten feet. Instead, he landed on a much thornier clump of bushes, the thorns sticking deep in his bottom.

CRUNCH!

“EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCHHH!!!”

…Okay, definitely overdoing it.

**********

The light of the afternoon sun filtering into the house behind her, Clara was busy making dinner, humming quietly to herself. When is Zeaka going to return…? He’s been gone for HOURS! And of course, no phone call, as usual with him… That JACKASS! He’s definitely going to get it when he gets back.

Knock, knock, knock.

Clara rushed to the door and threw it open. There was Zeaka, his clothes in tatters, and two boxes in his arms. One was slightly battered, with a postage label addressed to Zeaka, while the other was smaller, red, and heart-shaped…

“Uh… hi?” the poor man asked feebly, his gaze looking rather vacant.

Clara glared at him and pulled him inside. “WHERE on EARTH have YOU BEEN!? I was worried sick about you! Once again, no call! Not even a little TEXT to let me know where you were!”

Zeaka tried to hand her the boxes, feeling more than a little indignant. “I told you before leaving, I was going to get the care package! It took me a lot longer than I expected, though.” He smiled in spite of his unimaginable anguish. “If it helps, I bought you chocolates this time.”

Clara glared again, and then sighed. “I see that. You could have at least told me that you were going to be late for dinner!”

“I would’ve, but I was in no state to break out the phone.” He pushed the box at her, giving her an expectant, slightly insistent look. “You really should’ve been there — I had to get past lasers, poison darts, nettles, bees, a killer vacuum cleaner, a leopard…”

“Seriously?” she asked with wide eyes, before she finally took both packages. “You poor thing…”

“That house,” Zeaka replied with a look like he’d gazed into the depths of Hell, “was way more protected than I’d initially suspected. And I think I know why.” He took out the flash drive and asked, “Do you have a laptop I can borrow?”

It was a few minutes later before they were sharing a dinner of pasta carbonara, and some chocolates on the side. Clara’s laptop was open in front of them both, and he was pouring through the information from the flash drive. Pouring through the various files stored in the little device, Zeaka felt sick, and judging from Clara’s thoughts, he was quite sure she shared his sentiment.

“Someone managed to get past all the security, get the owner of the house to hack into the research institute for them, and attempted to rob the house when the deed was done,” Zeaka explained. “The person who got the info didn’t have a choice. And the people who got them to do it could still be having them captive.”

“My Lord… Zeaka, you have to do something. I think this might be a job for Mind’s Eye! Well, after he rests a little…”

“For once, you read my mind. But we don’t know where the person in question is.”

“Zeaka? There’s something here… This text document labeled ‘IMPORTANT’.” She got him to open the document. “It looks like a phone number and a note?”

Zeaka’s eyebrows lifted. “The number I can understand… But the sentences are garbled. I think… I think it may be encoded. What do we do now?”

“You know those games I play in the newspaper? The ones with the letters that mean other letters? It could be that… Let me try to figure it out…”

“You can do that while patching up my ass, please,” said Zeaka. “I’ll need the downtime, and I may have to call the number as well.”

“I’ll patch you up first, and then I’ll work on the puzzle.” She patted his sore bottom.

He “EEP”ed and flinched a little. “Sounds like a plan,” he mumbled.

Clara kissed him softly, and got to work without delay.

It was a good half hour before she finished patching up his bottom, making sure to give it plenty of TLC. At the end of the ordeal, she massaged his abused butt one more time, and then put him to bed, propping his tender tush up on some pillows and giving him a few ice packs for his bottom and for his injured crotch. “Now get some sleep,” she said softly, before leaving him to rest.

He was out within mere minutes. He stayed out for the better part of five hours.

**********

DELELELELELELE WOOOOOOOP. DELELELELELELE WOOOOOOOP. DELELELELELELE WOOOOOOOPbeep.

“Hello, this is Dr. Nakashima. Who is this?”

“Dr. Nakashima? The Dr. Makoto Nakashima? The ‘pioneer of fully automated thermo-facial recognition response software’, whatever all that is?”

“That’s me.”

“Well, I have you to thank for the worst day of my life. A leopard? Really?!”

“Heh. So this the supposed hero who broke into my house this afternoon. I see you’ve met our rescue panther, along with most if not all of the home security projects I’ve been working on over the past year.”

“Oh yeah. Up close and personal. …wait, you said ‘our’. What do you mean?”

“Well… Do you know why I rerouted the delivery address for the package you ordered to my house, Mr. Fitchus?”

“Oh, so it was you?! Y’know, you could’ve just slipped a note in it before it went to my front doorstep!”

“My deepest apologies for the mishap. You have to understand, though, that I had to be sure you could get past the security system. If everything the house threw at you couldn’t stop you from finding the flash drive I left in the study…”

“…”

“…Oh, no. Oh, nonono NO.”

“So, you’ve guessed?”

“There was a fight. Everything was broken before I bungled my way in there. Was something stolen?!”

“Not something, Mr. Fitchus. Someone. I know, it’s even worse as far as both of us are concerned. About three weeks ago, I left my house for a tech conference in Utropica, Florida, and put my son, Eichiro, in charge of the place—”

“Your SON?!”

“Don’t get me wrong. He’s a good kid. Very bright, too, inherited my programming talent. But that’s precisely what led a group of heavily armed men to grab him while he was out shopping, force him to lead them past all the security, and make him hack into the Osthanes Research Institute database.”

“…”

“[A FULL MINUTE OF UNPRINTABLE OBSCENITIES]”

“Language, Mr. Fitchus. But yes, in case you were wondering, I too unleashed too many R-rated curses to count upon learning of what had happened. Security cameras had given me a live-feed of the whole event. I tried to reach my son through the security system, but they’d already made him disable the distress signal and communication systems. I could only watch as they forced him to do their bidding at gunpoint, tried to haul him away as a hostage, fought him all throughout the house before they secured him, and dragged him kicking and screaming from our home.”

“So… So you want me to get him back?”

“Ordinarily I’d call the Monumentropolis police force, or one of the heroes monitoring the place. But even if there’s a lot of very good people keeping the city safe, I wouldn’t trust anyone with the data I gave you unless I was absolutely sure they could handle it safely.”

“I blew up a warehouse last week. I’m hardly the person to handle a USB…”

“And yet you recovered 100 pounds of galaxite in working condition. I’m sure you can keep a flash drive safe, and more importantly, I’m sure you can bring my son home.”

“How’d you know, anyway? About the galaxite?”

“Appleday told me everything. I do have a connection with him, you know. I was hoping to find someone who was brave enough to take up the job, and well, here you are, yelling at me over a security system akin to that one movie where a child has to defend his home from burglars.”

“…So what am I supposed to do? I’ve only been superhuman for just over two weeks. How am I gonna be able to get into the evil lair where your kid’s being kept if I can’t even break into somebody’s house?!”

“And yet you tried anyway. And despite more than a few hiccups, you did pass the prerequisite test.”

“…There’s no backing out of this without upsetting you, is there?”

“The world needs you, Mind’s Eye. I need you. So please… I beg you, please… Bring my son back safely.”

Deep within an unknown building, far away from the prying eyes of humanity or the ever-attendant news media, a screaming, sobbing programmer was currently regretting a lot of his choices in life.

Though half-blinded by his own tears of pain, he could still see that he was in what looked like a large underground computer lab but with turret-mounted phaser guns affixed to the walls, pointed at every window and door. It had no windows to the outside, but the LED lights were enough to light up everything well.

The hapless prisoner was a very smart and handsome Japanese teenager, eighteen years old with almond-shaped light brown eyes, coal-black hair, tanned skin, a somewhat pointed chin, and high cheekbones. He wore a black pair of glasses which were currently askew and had rather dirty lenses. While he was only about five-foot-seven, he had a very toned body, as though he worked out a lot for someone of his occupation. Odd, sure, but he was a Monumentropolis citizen.

His arms were tied behind his back, and his thighs and knees to his sides, leaving his lower cheeks spread wide and his cock and balls dangling; as a whole, he was dangling from a rope harness attached to a motorized winch on the ceiling. His clothing was currently in tatters, but it looked like he was originally wearing a light green collared shirt and dark jeans, the latter of which had been pulled down along with his blue underpants to expose his formerly smooth and tender bare buttocks; his shoes, being untouched, were a pair of brown hiking boots. He also wore what looked like a locket around his neck and had a silver ring with a red stone on his right hand.

He was currently hanging over a large piranha pool, his bottom hanging down just an inch from the water while he was held by a rope. The poor man’s lower cheeks had a few piranhas already biting down upon them, their vicious teeth embedded deeply into his tender derriere. This had been his sorry state every single evening, for three weeks; his captors had made sure to let him relieve and clean himself before tying him up like this, to keep him from making a mess… not that his dignity wasn’t already in all but ashes.

The sound of a door being opened jolted him to his senses, or about as much of those as he could manage with his bottom being gnawed on by a bunch of starving fish. In strode a huge, muscular man with short, close-cut black hair, with military-style clothing including a kevlar vest. He regarded the tearful captive and sneered.

“Well, the nerd’s awake, I see,” he said scathingly.

The boy did his best to glare. “I am… OUCH! OW! YEEAAGH! When will this be over…? My bottom can’t… OUCH!… take much more…”

“When we say it’s over, duh. Either your dad hands us the company database, or you’re fish food!”

Two other soldiers entered the room as well. “Yeah,” said the one with reddish brown hair and a matching goatee; he was toned but rather skinny and athletic-looking, like an Olympic sprinter. “There’s no third choice, kiddo. Either the trade secrets go or you do!”

“I’ll never tell you anything!” The boy yelled as the third soldier, a short, stocky man with curly blond hair, flipped a switch on the wall hooked up to the ceiling winch, and raised the whimpering teen above the pool; the piranhas eventually released him to drop back down into the water. “I can’t tell you anything! And my father will never betray the company!”

The blond scoffed at that statement. “Then you’re fish food, Eric. That’s the deal, take it or leave it.” He let the poor boy drop about two inches.

The prisoner screamed in terror. Not only his bottom, but his naked privates were hanging over the water; a vicious fish jumped up to bite, but missed his nutsack by a mere fraction of an inch. “I don’t know anything, I swear! My father is difficult to get ahold of! Just let me go! Please!” he begged. “Please…”

There was the sound of a winch turning, and Eric suddenly felt his naked bottom hit the water. Almost instantly, the piranhas began biting hard. “YEEEOOOOUUUUCH! OOOOUCH! EEEYYAAARRGH! N-NO NO PLEASE YOU CAN HAVE MY ASS ANYTHING BUT AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

“You better tell us something or your ‘special places’ will be ancient history, nerd,” snarled the brunette, discreetly covering his groin, while the blond laughed himself sick at the horrific scene.

“OKAY OKAY! I’LL TALK! I’LL TALK!!” The boy screamed in pain.

The redhead waved the blond aside, and one flip of the switch pulled the teen out of the water. “Then talk,” the soldier snapped.

The boy sobbed in pain. “Okay… All I know is that the serum was moved to another, more secure facility. I don’t know where… But it’s still being developed…” he sniffled a little. “My bottom hurts so much… Oowww…”

An instant later, he was reminded that there was one piranha still clamped onto a very different, softer target. It bit down a little harder, and he shrieked like a schoolgirl. “AAAAAAAEEEEEEEIIIIII!”

“What else do you know? Tell us now!” the blond yelled.

“OTHER PROJECTS WERE MOVED TO THE SAME LOCATION! OOOOWWW! I SWEAR I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS! OOOOOOUUUCCCHH! I SWEAR THAT’S ALL I KNOW! PLEASE GET THIS FISH OFF MEEEEEEEEEEE!” the boy yelled in pain.

“And risk get our hands taken off? Fat chance, loser,” said the brunette. “We’ll get our ransom whether you live or die. Ooooh, Daddy come help me, I’m so pathetic that I always need someone to saaaave meeeee~!” he drawled mockingly. The blond burst out laughing, and Eric just continued to sob in pain and humiliation.

“PLEASE HELP MEEE!” Eric yelled as he bucked his hips, trying to free himself of the offending fish.

“Meh, let’s not waste our time with this wimp-ass daddy’s boy.” The brunette looked around the room. “He’s just jealous ’cuz he’s not allowed to buy a pair o’ balls to replace the ones being chewed off.”

The brunette and blond cringed and emphatically put their hands over their crotches, and then exploded in derisive laughter.

The redhead winced a little, but his expression was far more concerned. “Maybe we should help him, though… After all, he did give us some information.”

“I gave you all of the information that I know…” Eric sobbed as he continued to move his hips to get the piranha to release its delicate prize.

“You’ve been a good hostage though. Let’s keep it that way,” replied the huge brunette. “Now, c’mon, fellas. We’ve got another death threat t’ send to his da-da,” he added with a glance at Eric betraying absolute contempt.

The blond and brunette laughed, while the redhead still looked hesitant. But while the latter two filed out of the room, the former paused next to the switch on the wall. Deciding to add injury to insult, he promptly adjusted the winch before making his own leave, lowering the screaming programmer until his intimate regions were once again an inch from the churning, foaming surface of the piranha pool.

“NO NO NO! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME HERE! PLEASE! COME BAAAAAACK! NONONONOOOOOOOUUUUUCH! AAAAAUUUURRRRGH! OOOOWWWCH! NOOOO! LEAVE ME ALOOOONE!! YIIIIIIIIIIEEEOOOWWWWW!!!”

Somewhere in space and time, a certain dinosaurian warlord, gifted with more common sense than these men by far, was angrily dragging his claws down his face.

**********

The night was nearly ending, the sun due to shortly rise over the Municipal Park of Monumentropolis. The dim light of the descending moon cast the forest in stripes and spots of shadow, which moved and shifted as a gentle breeze brushed against the treetops.

So serene, so photogenic… One would hardly be able to spot two shadows in particular stealing through the undergrowth, one purple-blue with a finned helmet and one black with a light brown and blonde ponytail.

Zeaka peered around a tree at the edge of the woods. The letters Clara had deciphered were, in fact, spelled-out numbers that formed three sets of coordinates. With a bit of mathematical triangulation (he had to look up how; it had taken him the better part of three hours and a quart of coffee to learn the technique) to locate where to go, he had been prepared to set off — until Clara had stopped him, pulled something out of the care package to bring with her, and asked to come with him this time.

“You know,” he whispered, “I have a hard time understanding why a military barracks would end up being abandoned in a city like this. Must’ve moved to somewhere more secure with so many people blowing the place up…”

“Okay, what now? Do we sneak in and kick ass?” Clara asked excitedly. She seemed a bit too excited to be on a mission for the first time and was eager to see some action.

“Do you think I already tried that, sweetheart?” Zeaka looked a little sullen. “We’ve got to think. No way in Hell would these kidnappers be strutting about out in the open, especially not in the dark. We have to find out where the hostage is. Lucky my hearing can already sense his screams, but… but where?”

“What if I use my camera drone thingy that you got me? Would that help? Maybe we can spot him if we use the thermal vision thing?” Clara suggested. “I just gotta figure out how to work it…”

Zeaka still looked a little hesitant, but he could understand her enthusiasm. The drone she’d retrieved from the care package was black and small and looked like the toy drones you could buy at any toy store, but it had a bunch of different modes that she could use to spy on people. She held the little black remote control and pressed a button experimentally. Right on cue, a laser shot out, hitting Zeaka square in the bottom.

“GAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Uh, oops? Sorry, Zeaka…” Clara bit her lip. “Are you okay?”

He turned his head and groaned. Even in the dim light he could see a black scorch mark on his butt; at least his pants were still intact. “One of these days, I gotta get me some self-repairing spandex,” he muttered.

The drone rose into the air quickly and stealthily, Clara manning the controls as they stole through a hole in the rusted wire-mesh perimeter fence. Zeaka had to keep one ear out for both danger and the other on their target — his vision may have been telescopic, but sadly, he still couldn’t see in the dark.

Clara bit her lip in concentration. “Hey, Zeaka? I think I’m getting something… Three people, they look pretty big. But I see no sign of a hostage…”

“Which building? If they have him with them they’ll be probably keeping him in the basement, if any.”

“It’s the… third building from the north end. The one surrounded by that barbed-wire fence with the weird turret things up top.” She smiled triumphantly. “Did I do good?”

“Well,” Zeaka replied, “only one way to find out…”

Within a few minutes they’d arrived at the rather large control center. The fence, as it turned out, was a good fifteen feet high. Thankfully, the bushes lining the bottom on both sides didn’t have any thorns or other hazards; if anything, the barbed wire was far more concerning.

“Here, hold this, Zeaka. I’m going in,” Clara said, looking suddenly determined.

He took the controller with a surprised expression which was, alas, partially hidden by his helmet. “Uh, are you sure you can—”

“I can! I’m not that weak, you know!” she said as she started to climb. “See? I’m doing it!”

He was quite sure she wouldn’t care, but Zeaka had a look of utter consternation on his face. “Yeeeeah… this’ll end well,” he muttered to himself, low enough for her not to hear him.

“Did you say something, sweetheart?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Okay, well. I’ve almost got it!”

Clara smiled and nearly finished her climb. That was the easy part; she was able to get up to the top of the fence. It was when she started climbing over for her decent that things went wrong. She didn’t realize it until much too late, but there was, as she had idly pointed out earlier, a huge tangle of razor wire at the top of the fence…

Clara heard a small rip and she groaned. “Right. I forgot about the barbed wire…” she looked back at her bottom and noticed quite a few tears. “Oh great…well…I didn’t like these pants much anyway…”

Then as she vaulted the top of the fence, she passed under one coil of wire which was a little too low…

The wire suddenly poked Clara’s unsuspecting bottom. “OUCH!” She yelped. “Well that’s annoying…” Clara pouted, realizing that she was in for a world of hurt. “Should have listened to Zeaka. WHY am I so stubborn…?”

And then as she twisted around to prepare to descend, her hand slipped. Clara screamed a little as she fell, only for her pants to snag onto the razor wire, leaving her dangling upside-down from the top of the fence.

Had her clothing been intact, she wouldn’t have triggered the visual detectors of the security system, but the seat of her pants was now visible…

“Zeaka? Uh, a little help… please?”

There wasn’t any sign of him behind her, at least not that she knew. But then the laser turrets on the roof began to move, and multiple red dots suddenly showed up on her unprotected backside. “Uh oh…” She yelped a little. “Zeaka! Please! Before the laser fires at me! …Zeaka?! Where are—”

BZAAPPP!

“YEEEEAAAAAAURGH!”

A horrible red blistering welt suddenly appeared upon her left buttock. Then the lasers aimed at her right…

“No no! NOOOOO—”

BZAAPPP!

“AAAAAUUUGH! ZEAKAAAAOOOOWW!”

Clara sniffled as she struggled to free herself from her predicament. “Zeaka! I’m going to KILL you for not helping meEEEE!”

And then multiple red dots showed up on both of her lower cheeks, and she heard the horrible sound of the laser guns powering up…

“NOT AGAIIIIIIEEEEE! OOOOOWWWCH! WAAAAAAAAH!” A third BZAAPPP and an exploding pain in her rump made her convulse in pain, the movement tearing her pants free of the wire. Finally, to her relief, she began to fall… landing right into Zeaka’s arms.

“I HATE you right now!” She sniffled and pounded on his chest. “Some hero you are! You can’t protect me from lasers!”

“You know, maybe next time it’d be better to check the typical path of entry before scaling the fence?” he replied drolly, gently letting her back down on her feet. “They didn’t even lock the gate leading into the building compound.”

Beat.

“OH MY GOD… FUCK THIS! SON OF A FUCKING—”

He suddenly held his hand up, and both of them went silent.

“Clara? Did you hear that?”

“I heard something… And that something was you getting slapped…” She growled and raised her hand to smack him across the face.

“No, not that.” He grabbed her wrist (gently) to stop her in the act. “I heard someone scream. It’s… Oh God… It’s coming from the panic room right under this building!”

Clara took a deep breath and sighed. “Then let’s go check it out. I’ll be angry later.”

Zeaka sighed, his goggles concealing his eye-roll, and then slapped himself across the face. “There, feel better?”

“Maybe…” She kissed his cheek. “Now let’s go. I’ll follow your lead this time. I don’t want to get into any more trouble…”

He was just about to say that this was precisely what they’d argued about over the past week, but she was here now, and there was no talking her out of it this time. So instead he led her over to the front door, and after scoping out the interior and picking up the passcode from one of the men inside, he opened said door and slipped inside.

Laying as low as they could, the two of them crept through the entrance hall, pausing only briefly to inspect the map leading down to the panic room. Despite the mishap with the fence, the two of them managed to make it down there without incident, and soon found themselves outside the command center. There were voices coming from inside, so they were forced to hide next to the door and listen for any clues.

“…really does think that low of his family, does he?”

“I dunno, Gary. He’s very protective of his property for a reason…”

“Shut it, Joe. We’ve got his kid. He’ll break eventually and send us something soon enough.”

“He has to. The doctor must be worried about Eric. I mean wouldn’t you be worried if someone had kidnapped your kid?”

“Shirley’s right, Joe. Just drop it and give ‘im time. It’s either that ‘secret project’ of his or Eric…”

Zeaka wasn’t sure what ‘secret project’ this ‘Gary’ was referring to, but if they knew of its existence, it was undoubtedly bad news. These men were holding Dr. Nakashima’s son in exchange for it, after all. And come to think of it, why did they sound so familiar…?

“What do we do now, Zeaka? Can we kick ass now? Can we? Can we?” Clara whispered excitedly.

“No, wait. Give it time. I’m getting a reading…”

Then ‘Joe’ spoke up. “I still think the piranhas were overkill, bro. Shoulda just kept him in a cell like everyone else d—”

Shirley piped up. “I agree, but it was FUNNY to watch him squirm while he was bitten. His facial expressions were the best part!” Especially his balls, LOL! Zeaka heard Shirley add mentally. He’s gonna be a eunuch if he escapes! Bastard’s bloodline doesn’t even deserve to continue, the fucking prick…

Zeaka felt a shiver run down his spine when he realized where he’d heard those voices before. These were indeed the same men who had accompanied Street Urchin in the lab raid a few weeks back… the one that had resulted in him being injected in the ass with a certain experimental serum.

“Well, the good news is that they don’t have galaxite,” he whispered.

“The bad news, though?” asked Clara.

“They’ve all got guns, and if I try to make a move in the room itself, they’d probably murder Eric. I’ll probably have to take ‘em down one by one.”

“That isn’t good… You have superspeed though… Can’t you just speed over to them and get their guns?”

“For all I know they have their hand on the switch to drop Eric in the pool. One wrong move and his ass is fish food.”

“What are we going to do then? Free Eric first?”

He thought about it, and then shrugged. “Maybe. But we’ll have to provide a distraction.” He looked at her, thinking. “I… I don’t think you’d want to set off the lasers again. I know you’re still mad at me for not getting to you sooner. But what if…”

“What if what…? Are you wanting me to purposely injure my butt?”

“No, not you.” He patted his own scorched bum. “Not to tempt the forces of destiny, but I wager my suit is still intact…”

Inside the control center, the Gopher Boys, as they were called, were milling about impatiently. With nothing to do now that they’d gotten bored of watching their captive getting intimately acquainted with the piranhas they’d specifically acquired for engineering the hostage situation, they’d whiled away the time by arguing amongst themselves. Gary, the dark-haired man, was on the end of his rope, especially with that redheaded naysayer, Joe…

“Can we stop fighting already? It’s getting annoying…” Shirley said with a groan.

“I agree. Let’s just make good on our promise now. He’ll squeal once he knows he’s good as lost,” replied Gary.

“No! That’d be too far!” replied Joe. “You wanna add murder to our charges against us?!”

The response he got was a slap across the face. “Don’t be stupid. Whether or not Eric bites it, we’re gettin’ that project if it kills us!”

“Nah, I say we just kill him, slowly and painfully.” Shirley smirked then laughed evilly. “Watch as he slowly bleeds to death from the piranha bites… or you could just let me torture him instead.”

Joe looked like he wanted to throttle Shirley. But then he suddenly noticed something…

“There’s a superhero climbing the building!”

“Wait… WHAT!? Oh NO!” Shirley yelled.

Gary shoved Joe aside to look at the monitor. “Well, I’ll be darned. He really did remember our birthdays after all… Alright, you two go after ‘im and bring the guy in so we can deal with him. I’ll stick around in case there’s more who wanna free our prisoner.”

Shirley smirked. “Got it. Come on, Joe. Let’s teach this so-called hero a lesson.”

Outside the building, Mind’s Eye was lying in wait. Or rather, sitting on a window ledge, a flagpole with a dingy Star-Spangled Banner directly below him, idly listening to the thoughts of the men with a look of mild distaste. So they did have the hostage in the same building… This would have to be a delicate operation if he was to live.

Hopefully he’d be able to get the soldiers to step away from the door, so Clara could get in, grab the hostage, and get out — beating the baddies up was optional, but preferable, knowing what they’d done to the poor guy.

Shirley smirked and walked out of the building. “Oh, Hero? Where are you? I have a gun that wants to meet you!”

As soon as he saw the glint of the gun, Zeaka mentally slapped himself. He had no ranged attacks, and whatever he threw, their bullets would be much faster. If they could see him, they’d be able to pick him off easily.

If they could see him…

This probably wouldn’t end well, but he had to try. Picking up a piece of broken-off concrete from the ledge, he raised his arm in preparation to swing…

Shirley looked around then walked around a corner. “Come out, come out, wherever you are, Hero!” He readied his gun. “How about a few bullet holes?”

WHISSH-BONK!

“OOOWW!” Shirley dropped the gun as a spark of pain exploded upon the back of his head. The gun went off into the ground, luckily, but it bounced up and hit him straight in the groin. “HNNNNGH!” Shirley groaned and keeled over and held his aching groin. He whimpered pathetically as he curled up into a ball.

Instantly, Joe whirled and fired blindly for a second or two. Zeaka attempted to dive out of harm’s way, bullets whizzing past him — but the narrow ledge, slicked by a recent rain, was not doing him any favors. With a sudden yelp, he slipped off, falling towards the flagpole…

WHUNK!

“YIIIIIIiiiii…!” Zeaka’s weight was not enough to bend the flagpole with the force of gravity, but the bracket attaching it to the wall was dislodged a little by the impact — not that he’d have known, what with his balls being pancaked once again. The pole angled downwards, and then he slid down until he reached the end of the pole, and just before he slipped off…

YOINK!

“AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!”

The end of the pole had snagged against the back of the underwear under his suit, and now he was hanging from it with his balls mercilessly squished by the tightened cotton, which was also slicing deep into the flesh between his bottom cheeks.

“There he is!” Joe’s voice reached his hypersensitive ears, and he groaned in a mix of exasperation and pain.

Shirley, once recovered, grabbed his gun and began shooting at Zeaka. A bullet whizzed past him, scraping his side.

“GYAAAH!” Zeaka yelped, feeling droplets of blood trickling from the wound; it was lucky it hadn’t hit an inch or so to the left.

Shirley smirked and aimed the gun again, attempting to shoot at Zeaka’s leg. It missed — thank God — and instead hit his underwear with a deafening SNAP, causing the poor boy to fall to the ground.

“AAAAAARRRRGH—OOF—EEEEEYYYOOUUUUCH!!” For the third time in a few days, Zeaka had landed bottom-first in a thorn bush.

Shirley let out a triumphant laugh. “Ha ha ha! Gotcha now, Hero! Any last words before you die?” He asked as he took aim at Zeaka’s upper arm.

“NO!” Joe tried to shove the gun aside. “We need him alive! You heard what Gary said!”

“It won’t kill him, you idiot! It’ll just wound him! You’re no fun!” Shirley pouted as he lowered his gun.

That was when Zeaka heard something the other two didn’t. The whirr of rotor blades in the sky above and behind the two men…

Back inside the control building, Clara had seen what was going on outside through the monitor on her drone remote. Zeaka… Oh god, he’s bleeding! she thought as she bit her lip. What to do… Ah! The drone… Maybe I can finally use the laser thingy… Clara smirked to herself and pressed a few buttons, aiming the drone at Shirley and Joe.

Outside, Zeaka squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the shot to miss his arm and hit his chest instead…

BZAAPPP!

BINGO! Clara hit the gun with the laser and burned Shirley’s hand. Shirley hissed in pain and held his hand. “AH! Where did that laser come from!?”

BZAAPPP!

“AIIEEEEEE!” Joe howled and clutched his bottom, which had suddenly caught fire.

BZAAPPP!

“EEEYYYOOOOOWW!” Shirley yelled and grabbed his bottom as well. He ran around, trying to pat the flames out.

Zeaka saw his chance. Springing out of the thorn bush, he rushed forward and double-clotheslined the two men, plunging a fist into each set of balls.

Joe and Shirley let out high-pitched whines of agony, before slumping to the ground in a dead faint.

What is going on out there?! Gary thought in indignation. They’re taking too long… Fuck it. I’mma do it myself!

The door to the control room was flung open — and Clara, lurking right next to it, silently groaned as it hit her in the face, squishing her against the wall in an almost cartoonish fashion.

Clara was able to sneak into the door without incident, now that she knew Gary had gone. She shook her head and groaned. “That really hurt…” she whispered, looking around.

There was a door leading off this room full of computers and all manner of dangerous gadgets, with a light beyond its windows…

Carefully, she opened the door. What she saw made her mouth fall open.

“A piranha pool?” she whispered to herself, reading the warning label on the large tank. She looked up and noticed a mostly naked and currently unconscious young man hanging just above it.

Oh God… He’s in such bad shape! How do I get him down? She looked around the pool and saw a winch. Maybe I can raise him up and then manage to get him down, somehow. Hang in there, Zeaka…

Outside, Gary flung open the door. There were the other two men, barely conscious from the pain of having their testicles mashed. Their guns had both been snapped in half, and were lying in pieces in front of them. With a growl of anger he went over to stand behind them, and delivered a swift kick to each of their rears.

Shirley groaned and held his burned and now bruised butt. “OOOOWWW! Dude! What the HELL!? That HURT!”

Joe yelped as well. “Yeah, was that really necessary?!”

“Where is he? WHERE’S THE HERO?!” Gary yelled.

“I dunno! We almost had him but then a drone attacked us and he got away…” Shirley winced and rubbed his sore bottom.

“You let him get aw—?! Wait. A drone?!”

“It wasn’t our fault!” Joe explained frantically. “We don’t know what it was doing—”

“I think he might have someone helping him,” Shirley added.

Gary’s eyes widened. “He lured us out. You idiots! Get back in th—”

Then he noticed that the door he’d used to exit the building was swinging slightly.

His swearing could be heard from halfway across the barracks.

Inside the panic room, Clara had just walked in and taken a look at the room. There were more guns on the walls which were definitely to be avoided; if only she could get past the motion sensors… Not wanting a repeat of last time, she skirted under them as best she could, making her way to the door mounted on the safety glass wall, in front of the piranha pool.

Clara looked around, checking to see if anyone was coming. After confirming that the coast was clear, she ran towards the door and opened it.

Unfortunately, that was enough to set off the motion detectors.

Next moment, several red dots had suddenly appeared on Clara… or rather, a very specific part of her. “Not again!”

BZAAPPP!

“YIIIEEEOOOOOUUUUUUCCCHHH!!” Once again, Clara screamed and grabbed her smoking bottom in pain.

Frantically, she threw the door open, but not before another laser went off. BZAAPPP!

“NOOOOOOOUUUUCH!” Clara screamed again and held her stinging bottom. At the sound of the lasers powering up again, she shrieked and dashed inside.

Clara groaned rubbed her sore, smoldering buttocks. “Ooooww… My poor bottom…”

That was when the outside door burst open, and there were the Gopher Boys, looking murderously angry.

Shirley groaned and dragged his hand down his face. “Screwed… We’re screwed…”

Gary cracked his knuckles. “Get the girl! She’s a hostage too now until we have the superhero!”

“NO!” Clara screamed and tried to get away. “Don’t you touch me!” She pulled out some pepper spray and aimed it at the three men, who backed up for a brief moment.

Then Gary stepped forward, and with a swipe of his huge arm, he threw the safety glass door open, the door knocking the can out of her fingers before she could fire.

That was the only thing I had to defend myself, Clara thought in panic; with no other options, she took a fighting stance like she’d seen Zeaka do.

“Too bad, sweetheart,” Gary said with a smirk. The three thugs moved menacingly towards her, fists raised, and lunged all at once.

Clara turned to run for the pool. Before the thugs could catch her, she had jumped, and next moment she was hanging onto the hostage. Sorry, Eric — I don’t have a choice! But if I could just swing you out of here…

Then the winch began to slip.

“No… nonononoooo!” Clara squealed. “I don’t wanna go in the water! NOOOOO!”

And then Shirley, with an evil laugh, lowered the winch.

WHISSSH-SPLOOSH!

Cold wetness met her exposed buttocks. And a few moments later, so did a shoal of interested piranhas.

SNAP! CHOMP! RIP! CRUNCH! NIP!

“YEEEAAAAAOOOUUUUCCCHHH! NO! GET AWAY! OOOOWWW! STOP BITING MY ASSSSSSS! AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

“Yes! Scream for me, girly! You will remain stuck here until either the project is handed to us or your ass is lunch!” Gary cracked his neck. “Whichever comes first. Either works for us!”

“How about neither?”

A purple blur sped into the room. Next thing he knew, Gary was tumbling head over heels with a helmeted superhero right on top of him.

Shirley intercepted with deceptive speed, and then punched Zeaka in the stomach as hard as he could, knocking the wind out of him. Before his foe could react, he picked him up and tossed him into the pool of piranhas with his hapless girlfriend.

Clara was lucky in that her bottom was the only part of her in the drink. Zeaka… well, let’s just say he’d omit this part of the fight from his later recounting of it for a reason.

“PIRANHAS?! THAT’S JUST NOT FAIIIIIIIEEEEEE! NO NOT MY BALLSSSSS! EEEEYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCCCCCHHHH! HEEELLLLLP! OWIE OW OW OWWWCH! THEY’RE EATING ME ALIVEEEEEYYYOOOWWW!”

In his frantic struggles to escape the pool, he accidentally smacked Clara in the lower back, sending her and the hostage swinging. The rope suddenly snapped, sending Clara and poor Eric flying. They luckily landed on the floor, Eric breaking Clara’s fall. Unfortunately, upon impact there was a sickening sound of crunching metal and plastic from Clara’s back…

“Oh no,” said Clara, her eyes wide with horror. “That was my drone remote!” She sighed and picked up the pieces.

“MY ASS IS A CHEW TOY AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT?!” Zeaka screamed in agony. The Gopher Boys had closed with him and tried to hold him in the pool, but he was fighting viciously to avoid getting pushed under even with his bottom being bitten dozens of times a minute.

Clara was about to reply, but then the Japanese teen shifted beneath her and  groaned softly. “Ugh, ouch… My everything hurts.” He sat up and looked at Clara. “You… You saved me? Thank you.” He saw the remote in Clara’s hands. “I can fix that, if you want me to. It’s the least I can do for my lovely hero.”

Clara smiled brightly. “That would be wonderful, but first let's get your wounds taken care of. My name is Clara, by the way.”

The teen smiled back. “Lovely to meet you, Clara. My name is Eric… Well, Eric is my nickname. A-anyway… Thank you for saving me, Miss Clara.” He took her hand and kissed the back of it gently.

Clara blushed a little and giggled. “Oh my… I didn’t do much, really. It was mostly Mind’s Eye… he did most of the work.”

“CAN WE DISCUSS THAT LATER?!” Zeaka howled from nearby. “AIIEEEEE! NONONO NOT THEEEEEYOOOOWWW!”

Seemingly satisfied that his fellow goons could handle Zeaka on their own, Gary suddenly broke away from the scuffle with a shocked yell (“THE HOSTAGE IS FREE! OH SHIT!”) and charged at Clara and Eric, ready to bring his wrath down upon them both.

Clara gasped and grabbed Eric. “Come on!” She strained as much as she could, trying to drag him out of harm’s way.

“Wait, Clara, give me the remote.” Eric said, holding out his hand.

Clara’s eyes widened. “Wait, what?! It’s broken, though! I dunno what you can do with it!”

Gary laughed in scorn, preparing to seize Clara and drag her off. “The big-bootied bimbo is right, nerd! You honestly still think you can use it?!”

However, Zeaka, still screaming in pain and trying to fend off the other two (who were pushing him back into the piranha pool each time he got out), seemed to notice something the others did not. “GIVE IT TO HIM! GIVE IT TO HIIIIEEEEEYOOOUUCH!! MY POOR BOTTOM!”

Clara gasped. “Okay, okay!” With no other alternatives, she tossed the remote to Eric.

Despite being chewed on and driven to exhaustion and near insanity, the Asian teen still had the strength to catch the pieces of the remote in his hands. “Let’s see what I can do…”

Gary made to move towards Eric. But before he could even wind back for a good swing, Eric pushed a button on one of the larger portions.

Gary paused, unable to make sense of the situation. But the he heard a faint buzzing sound, audible even over the din of Zeaka struggling to escape the piranhas. And then he and Clara both felt their jaws drop.

The parts were beginning to vibrate on their own.

And then, as if a magnet was pulling the parts, they began to vibrate and reassembled. Eric smirked and took the controller in both hands, as deftly as if it was an expensive state-of-the-art digital tablet.

“Alright, drone,” said Eric, grinning broadly. “Let’s get this pool party started.”

And with that, he pushed the “on” button.

Everyone stopped in their tracks. Zeaka had escaped the pool for what felt like the millionth time, and for once, the Gopher Boys were too stunned to put him back in.

What was that faint whirring sound?

Before anyone could react, they were all treated to the spine-chilling sight of a certain robotic attack drone whizzing into the room. As soon as it stopped and hovered in place, Eric hit a button and a red dot appeared on Gary’s right butt cheek.

“NO!” Gary frantically covered his crotch with both hands.

The laser zapped Gary’s belt, tearing it in half, and as soon as Gary withdrew his hands, his pants fell down to his ankles. The scream of embarrassment made everyone jump.

Eric laughed a little as soon as he recovered from the scare. Fiddling with the drone controls a little more, he then pointed the laser to Gary’s ass and prepared to set fire to his underwear.

“NO!!” Gary yelled, whirling to try and smack the drone out of the air — only to realize that he’d just presented a very different target to the drone…

BZAPPPPP!

“AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!” Howling in pain, he cupped his hands to his crotch, sinking to his knees as the drone swooped in for the kill.

“NO!!!”

Before anyone could react, a piece of pipe whizzed through the air towards the drone. There was a CRUNCH of plastic meeting metal, and it flew into a tailspin before hitting one of the control panels.

Joe rushed over to his companion, his expression frantic. It was clear that he had thrown the pipe. He suddenly leveled an accusing finger at Eric and shouted, “YOUUUU! YOU SHOT GARY!!”

Eric smiled. “Me? No. I just directed the shot at him and hit a button. The drone actually shot him.”

“YOU LITTLE BRAT!” Joe howled with rage. “I’LL KILL YOU FOR HURTING MY BRO LIKE THIS!!”

“How do you plan on killing me?” Eric asked with a wry smile. He alone noticed a cable emerging from the drone, inching towards the control panel, and kept talking to keep Joe distracted. “You don’t even have a gun last I checked.”

“I WILL RIP OFF BOTH YOUR ARMS, AND THEN YOUR LEGS, AND LEAVE YOU DRIFTING IN THE WIND! LIKE A TURD! IN THE WIND!” Joe’s face was red as his hair, stalking towards Eric with the intent of throttling him. “OR DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST SHOOT YOU NOW?!?”

Even Shirley paused with shock over the outburst. That was all Zeaka needed.

Before the blond could react, his opponent had grabbed him by the arm, and without breaking his stride, he flipped him over his head like a judo practitioner.

SPLOOSH!

And that was how Shirley, for all his muscle power and ruthless manipulative planning, ended up with his butt in the piranha pool.

“NOOOOOO!” Shirley screamed and tried to get out of the pool. He was not nearly fast enough, and it was only a moment before a dozen carnivorous fish began to pay a lot of attention to his defenseless ass.

CHOMP! CRUNCH! SNAP! RIP!

“OOOOOOOOUUUUUCH!” Shirley screamed. “OOOWWWW! HELP! PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE! YEEEOOOOOWWW! MY BOTTOOOOM!” The stocky, heavily muscled soldier was reduced to tears and whimpers of pain as he cried out for help.

Zeaka couldn’t care less about the predicament of his former tormentor. With a scream of rage, he barreled at Joe, who whirled to face him… and was sent flying into the wall behind him with one well-placed punch. He hit the wall with enough force to crack the concrete, and then slid to the floor unconscious.

“Let’s get outta here!” Zeaka’s voice combined relief, frustration, anger, and pity for the goons he and Eric had just trashed. “We have Eric, we’re good to go.”

“OH NO YOU’RE NOT!!” cried Gary. Just as Zeaka turned, he drew a hunting knife from his ruined belt and lunged at him…

…only to trip over his own fallen pants and fall flat on his face.

Clara giggled a little and picked up the knife then tossed it away. “You really must stop playing with knives. It’s dangerous.”

Gary managed to stagger to his feet, pulling his pants up with one hand. The other clawed at Clara and Eric as he stumbled forward. She was just a little too close, and felt his meaty fingers close around her neck.

“I’ll teach you to play with knives, bimbo,” he growled murderously, looking between her and the piranha pool where poor Shirley was still splashing and screaming. Then he scooted his knife back towards him with his foot.

Then Zeaka’s hands met the back of his collar, and he pulled him back, but Gary did not release her. Instead he kicked the knife into the air and caught it with his other hand, heedless of his pants falling again.

Zeaka gasped. The blade was now an inch from Clara’s throat!

Gary smirked in petty triumph as he turned to face his enemies. “One move from either of you, superheroes, and she. Dies.”

Clara gasped and reached for her boyfriend. “Zeaka… I’m scared… help me…”

The others looked rightly horrified. Around them, Shirley had finally escaped the piranha pool, and Joe was regaining consciousness and getting up to rejoin the assault. It seemed as though in that one brief moment, the tables had turned on the heroes…

“INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! DEFENSIVE PROCEDURES ACTIVATED!”

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. The sound of alarm horns rang throughout the control center, all the lights turning red as a traffic stop.

“What in the—?!” cried Gary.

“…Oh God,” mumbled Joe. “We tripped the alarm!”

“OH NOOOO!” Shirley yelled, summing up the circumstances quite beautifully as the security system activated. Laser sights began scanning everywhere in the room — and finally fell on Gary, Joe, and Shirley.

There was a second or two of utter silence, as though the entire world was drawing it's breath in dread anticipation.

And then, of course, all Hell broke loose.

BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP!!!!

The lasers fired all at once like the world’s deadliest strobe display, sending the three heroes diving for cover. Screaming ensued as every single blast unerringly hit one of the Gopher Boys, each gun landing hits multiple times, namely on the crotch and buttocks of the three baddies.

“RUN!!” Gary screamed, and the door was promptly flung open as the goons did just that.

Though not before all three got stuck in the door, jammed against the frame and each other. Dozens of red dots promptly fell upon their behinds, and the laser cannons hummed as they powered up…

BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP BZAPPPPP!!!!

“YEEEOOOOOWWWCH!!”

“OOOOWWWWIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!”

“EEEYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!!”

Clara smiled brightly and kissed Zeaka’s cheek. “I think we’re safe now. Should I patch you and Eric up?”

“Please!” Zeaka smiled, and then perked up a little. “I think I hear police sirens…”

The Gopher Boys finally made it out of the door. The laser turrets were restricted to the control room, but a very different security measure was waiting outside. Namely, a half-dozen five-foot-tall wheeled robots, with limbs tipped with scissor-like pincers and stalks with taser prods emerging from their bodies.

The mooks barely had time to scream before the robots descended upon them.

“AAAAHHHH! NOOOO! YYEEEEOOOOUUUUCH!”

“OOOOUUUUCH!! OH NO ANYTHING BUUUWAAAAAAAHH!”

“PLEASE NO MOREEEEYYYYOOOWWWW!!”

It was chaos in the halls. The men screamed as their clothes were torn to ribbons, dozens of electrified spikes jabbing at their intimate places from every single direction. With no other options, they bolted pell-mell for the front door…

**********

Back in the control room, which was now peaceful and quiet aside from the alarm sirens, Clara had found a first aid kit and was tending to Eric and Zeaka. “Eric?” she asked. “Why were those guys holding you hostage? I feel like there was another reason, besides your father’s job. And what was with that over there?” She pointed at the drone, which now had what looked like a USB cable hooking it up to one of the ports in the control panel it was sitting on.

Eric sighed. “Okay, well… I suppose the cat’s out of the bag.” He took a deep breath. “See, I was in an accident a couple of years back, involving a supercomputer system, an alien starship fragment, and what I still think was a spoiled banana. Dad insists it was a decade-old wheat bun, though. Neither of us could really tell. But in any case, one thing led to another, some sort of latent gene of mine that kinda skipped a generation got switched on, and here I am with technopathy powers, suffice it to say.”

Zeaka felt his jaw drop. “You can control technology?!”

“That’s pretty awesome!” Clara smiled. “You could be a superhero and maybe join Mind’s Eye?”

Eric sighed. “If only it were so easy. I have considered registering, but Dad would be hard-pressed to let me. Besides, I was held hostage for the past three weeks. I’m sure he will never let me out of the house after tonight.”

“Did they know about your, uh…” asked Zeaka.

“But those men didn’t know about my powers. They wanted a different project from my father. They wanted some really advanced weaponry.”

“So they wanted more than one project then…and they thought that you had it?” Clara asked.

“I suppose…” Eric sighed. “I don’t really know for sure.”

“I see. Well, we’ll put in a good word for your dad after this is over. For now, though, let me tend to your wounds then we can get out of here.” Clara had a hint of sympathy in her voice. “I hope it won’t hurt too bad…”

With this, she began to clean poor Eric’s badly injured buttocks with peroxide. “Ah. Well, it seems that you need stitches for a few of these.” She grabbed a suture kit. “I have no numbing medicine, so I apologize in advance.” Clara finished cleaning the wounds, and before Eric could protest, he began the process of stitching up the deepest ones.

POINK! POINK! POINK!

“AAAAUUUUUGH! IT HURRRTS!” Eric yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks as the wounds on his ass were stitched up.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” Clara bit her lip as she worked. “It will be done soon.” She reached over and gently wiped away his tears.

After minutes of screaming and crying, Eric felt Clara’s gentle hands rubbing his bottom. “This won’t help much, but I’m rubbing some medication into your skin, that way it will help with the pain, even just a little.” She massaged Eric’s abused buttocks for about five minutes and Eric was finally able to relax. Clara bandaged Eric up and put an ice pack on his bottom. “You just rest now, Eric. I must work on Zeaka now.”

Zeaka whimpered at the sight of the needle, and then sighed in defeat. “I just hope those baddies we sent packing end up having their asses patched up as good as what you normally do. I’m sure they can’t have had it any worse than we did…”

**********

“RUN FOR IT, BROS!” Gary shrieked. “RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIEEEEEYOOOOOUUUCH!”

“I’M TRYING, GAAAAAOOOOOOOUUUUUCHH!” Shirley yelled as his ass was chewed on by a set of viciously sharp teeth.

As it turned out, the robots that had denuded the men were not the only lines of defense the security system had been rigged with. The same lost world that had once housed Carnogore was also the source of a population of Velociraptors, turkey-sized predatory dinosaurs that looked like flightless birds of prey with long reptilian tails and toothy snouts rather than beaks. Recovered by explorers and bought into the base years ago for training as security wardens, the small but vicious raptors had gone feral once the base had been abandoned, and fresh prey — such as three naked screaming soldiers — always attracted their attention.

Driven by blind panic in a bid to escape the base, the men had blundered straight into a raptor pack, and the feathered hunters knew when a meal was in sight…

SCREEEEEECH! SNAP! RIP! CHOMP!

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, GARYYYYYYOOOOWWWW!” Shirley yelled.

“STOP BLAMING HIIIIEEEEYAAAAH! IT WAS YOUR IDEEEEEEEEOOOOOH!” Joe shrieked.

“NO IT WAS NOT YEEEOOOOOUUUUUCH!” Shirley yelled back.

Within moments, they’d found themselves facing a wall of trees, a dead end. Dinosaurs closed in on all sides, talons bared, fangs snapping viciously.

“THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!” Gary yelled. “WHAT DO WE DO?!”

“I’M OUT OF HERE! SEE YA!” Shirley yelled. While the other two men protested, he ran and climbed one of the trees, no doubt hoping to escape through the branches.

“NOOOOO! DON’T LEAVE US HEEERE!” Joe attempted to follow him, but then he tripped over a tree root and landed flat on his face, his bottom sticking comically in the air. A Velociraptor leaped onto his right buttock, sinking its huge sharp claws into his tender flesh, flapping its wings to stay balanced before it sank its serrated teeth into the left cheek. “AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Gary too was suddenly swarmed by the little fiends as well, a pair of them coming at him from behind (one biting down on each butt cheek) and one going for his groin. “EEEEEYOOOOOOWWWWWOWOWOOOWWWWWW!”

Laughing at his comrades’ misery, Shirley climbed up to a rather large branch that he thought could hold him. Unfortunately (for him, anyway), as soon as he climbed up, the branch broke under his weight with a piercing SNAP, and he yelled as he fell onto another branch below with his legs on either side.

WHUMP!

“Oh no… oooohhhh…uuuuuuuuhhhhh…” Shirley whimpered in pain as his eyes filled with tears.

A few seconds later, he rolled off the branch, and at the last minute, grabbed a low hanging branch below him.

Sadly (for him, anyway), he was left hanging. Within seconds, he was swarmed; the raptors hissed and screeched in anticipation before leaping up, biting his vulnerable ass and crotch and clawing it with the claws on their wing-like forelimbs.

“EEEEEOOOOOUUUUCH! OUUUUCH! OW! GET AWAY! NONONO NOT THEEEEEYIIIEEEEEE! OOOOHHHH NNNNOOOOO! OOOOWWW!” Shirley screamed, his ass now joining the other two in becoming a Cretaceous chew toy.

It seemed as though the thugs were doomed. But before the raptors could then floodlights filled the forest, causing the nocturnal predators to hiss and recoil all at once. Feathers flew everywhere, the dinosaurs fleeing in all directions as the sound of helicopter rotors filled the air.

“STAY WHERE YOU ARE!” called a police officer in the helicopter. “GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THEN LAY ON YOUR STOMACHS!”

Shirley squeaked. “I’m not going to prison!” he yelled.

“Any ideas?” asked Joe, still on his hands and knees — well, one hand, anyway, the other cradling his wounded lower cheeks.

“Just one,” replied Gary. “RUN!!!”

The others needed no telling twice.

From the helicopter and all around the forest, the cops that had arrived on the scene (alerted, no doubt, by the security system which had been hijacked by their own hostage) pulled out their guns and began shooting at the criminals, each one getting at least one bullet in each buttock as they fled from the scene as fast as their legs could carry them.

From the sidelines, a certain Japanese software tycoon, no doubt summoned by the same distress call, watched the crooks hobble into the woods. As he heard their screams carrying across the night sky, he could not help but scratch his chin in wonder…

“AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!” screamed Gary.

“OOOOWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!” yelled Joe.

“GGYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!” cried Shirley.

**********

The abandoned base was now bustling with activity, in no small part due to the alert sent out by Eric. Police officers were now swarming the control center from every conceivable angle, just in time for Mind’s Eye to appear, escorting Clara and Eric through the front door.

Clara smiled softly. “Thank god that's over. How are you two feeling?”

Eric sighed and held his extremely painful bottom. “I hurt. But I think I’ll live, thanks to you.” he smiled softly and kissed Clara’s cheek.

Zeaka mumbled in jealousy, but Clara spoke first.

“I appreciate that you like me and it’s very flattering, however, I’m kind of dating Mind’s Eye. He’s my boyfriend.” Clara smiled sheepishly.

Before they could continue putting their feet in their mouths, however, a middle-aged Japanese man broke through the crowd of officers and rushed up to them. “Eichiro!”

“DAD!” Eric limped over to his father, and was swept up in a tight embrace a moment later.

“My son… My beautiful, brave son,” Makoto nearly sobbed, all but squeezing the life out of his child. “By the gods, I’m never letting you out of my sight again!”

“Dad… Let go, please… Can’t breathe…” Eric coughed a little.

Makoto obliged, keeping his hands on Eric’s shoulders. “We need to talk. I… I have a little surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Zeaka looked confused, but then he read the tech tycoon’s mind and went, “Ohhhh.”

“What surprise?” asked Eric. “I like surprises.”

“Well make it quick. Eric needs to go home and rest,” Clara said in a stern voice.

“We can talk in the van. I arranged a stay at a local hotel until the house is repaired.” Makoto patted his son’s head.

Zeaka blushed a little beneath his goggles. But as they made their way towards the waiting police van, a sudden horrible thought occurred to him.

He waited until they had shut the door and felt the vehicle start moving before speaking.

“He’s not gonna be grounded for life, is he?”

“What? Grounded?” Clara looked incredulous. “Eric shouldn’t be grounded. This is not his fault. Besides, he’s been punished enough…” She had noted, after all, that Eric was having trouble sitting down.

Eric groaned in agreement. “Please don’t ground me again…”

Makoto smiled a little. “Oh no no, Zeaka, you misunderstood. He was grounded for life. I take it he told you about his… secret, of sorts?”

Zeaka nodded. “You mean you put him on house arrest after the accident?”

For exactly the reason you might suspect, he heard Makoto think. And for the record, I still insist that it was a moldy wheat bun.

“Basically, yes,” Makoto said finally. “I was… worried, that he would be discovered, and his life would be in danger. He had to remain in the house whenever he wasn’t at school, for four months. That was how long ago the accident happened. I had hoped that in due time he would be able to conceal his abilities enough to return to society without anyone trying to capture him, or worse. But then I leave for a few weeks, and he gets kidnapped anyway.”

“I am really sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know they were going to come after me…” Eric sighed and looked down.

“That’s where the events of tonight come in, actually. When you sent out that distress signal and the police were alerted, they were understandably confused as to how it had been sent from technology that was no doubt obsolete and decrepit. I’d already flown back to Monumentropolis and arrived just in time. I told the police chief, in private of course, and also explained my reasoning for keeping him hidden.”

“So Eric was able to tell the technology what to do and is that how he fixed my broken drone remote? So cool…” Clara said with sparkles in her eyes as she looked at Eric, holding up both said remote and the trusty drone it had come with.

“Well… Imagine my surprise when I found out that I had been basically hiding an unregistered superhero from the city government for nearly a third of a year!”

Every jaw except Makoto’s fell open.

“You mean… you mean you never even considered registering him?! Not even once?” cried Zeaka.

Makoto bowed his head sadly. “In hindsight, it would have been the safest move. They have you insured if your life goes downhill due to having powers. Insured… and more importantly, protected. Of course, it took a bit of negotiation — okay, a lot, actually — but the authorities and I ultimately came to an agreement. If I register you, Eichiro, all charges against us will be dropped. So all I need to basically un-ground you is your approval.”

“YES! Please unground me!” Eric practically yelled. But then he paused, a look of uncertainty on his face. “But… am I really worthy of being a superhero like Mind’s Eye is?”

And then Makoto did something nobody expected: he started laughing.

“Oh Eichiro, my beamish boy… You were extremely brave back there. You held onto life for three weeks straight despite enduring unspeakable torment, both physical and emotional, all without giving our trade secrets away even once. And you managed to rout your captors to top it off, even if you did have to be helped.” He nodded towards the other two.

“Eric was extremely brave,” Clara said with a slight blush. “I actually didn’t do much… The most I did was patch up his wounds. I really didn’t help much at all…”

Zeaka could hear her additional thoughts, feeling a stab of sympathy for her. I was basically useless. I was clumsy and reckless, as usual…

“Clara… Don’t beat yourself up like that.” He put his arm around her, smiling. “You found Eric, and you saved my life — though not my ass, unfortunately. Still… You were amazing back there.” He paused and kissed her cheek. “You are amazing.”

Clara blushed in the cutest, sweetest way. “Aww, Zeaka… Thank you. When we get home, I’ll give you a nice massage with some aloe.” She kissed him back softly.

Eric smiled for the two of them, but then his face fell. “Hey, Dad? I have a question. Why did you hide me away?” he asked, looking at his father.

“I worried for your safety because I feared that even with powers, you would still be a helpless child out there, of my own doing no less due to locking you up away from the world. But I was wrong about you, and for that I cannot apologize enough. So… can you ever forgive me? For underestimating you, and for hurting your feelings?”

Eric smiled and hugged his father tightly. “I’ve already forgiven you, Dad. Thank you for apologizing, though. It really means a lot.”

Makoto beamed with a mix of pride, love, and relief. “Then it is settled then. I do still have to dole out a fitting punishment for Mr. Fitchus, though, for breaking into our house.”

Zeaka jolted like he had just sat on a porcupine. “W-WHAT?!?”

“I could figure something out, I think…” Clara said with a smirk. “How about we make him sit on something pointy for a few minutes?”

“ANYTHING BUT THAT!” Zeaka protested. “I’ve already been through enough!”

“I was thinking more in the long term.” Makoto let Zeaka read his thoughts, which made him instantly calm down. “I spoke with the police, and they’re willing to let that incident slide if you perform a month of community service. That of course means hero work, but more importantly, my son would need a coach on becoming a municipal guardian himself.”

Zeaka looked doubtful at that last part. “But Dr. Nakashima, I’m only just starting myself. Counting this mission, I’ve only gone on two.”

Clara smiled softly. “Zeaka, you are an amazing hero; I think you can train Eric just fine. You’re so strong and you have gone on two successful missions. You’ve got this!”

Eric nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Clara is right. I would like to be trained by you, Mind’s Eye.”

Zeaka started to smile. “So, that’s a—”

“YES!” the other to youths replied, enthusiastically and simultaneously.

“It seems that I owe you a care package myself, Mr. Fitchus, as well as my full support both publicly and financially,” added Makoto. “After all, you did save my son. And for that, we can never thank you enough.”

Zeaka’s heart soared. He glanced out the window on the opposite side of the van to see the sun beginning to rise in the distance, and grinned broadly. “I’d be honored. But Eric… Have you thought of an alias yourself yet?”

“I have. I was thinking of… D.Bugger,” Eric replied, smiling up at his approving father.

Mind’s Eye grinned from ear to ear, the knowledge that he had saved a loving family, mended his and Clara’s relationship, and gained himself a new ally to top it off having made his morning a whole lot brighter. “Sounds perfect!”

**********

Elsewhere in the city, in a deep dark basement, three naked men emerged from a drainage vent, lost and miserable and covered in disgusting muck.

“This was such a bad idea to begin with,” mumbled Joe.

“Shut up, you moron, or do you want a spanking?” growled Gary.

“Maybe you both deserve a spanking,” Shirley groaned. “We wouldn’t be in this mess if it hadn’t been for you two…”

“There were mutant crocodiles down there!” Joe cradled his wounded lower cheeks with a traumatized whine. “What kind of inconsiderate nutjob put them in the sewers where they could bite somebody?!”

“I once flushed a baby crocodile down the toilet,” Shirley said sheepishly. “Well it was a few that I flushed but… details… I was a kid after all…”

“There were dozens of the damn things! DOZENS! I’ll never be able to sit for—”

“STAIRS!” shouted Gary, pointing.

The other two men looked in his direction. There it was, a wooden stairwell leading up to the surface.

“Our ticket to freedom,” said Joe with a relieved sigh. “About time.”

“Sweet! Maybe we can find a place to nurse our wounded butts…” Shirley added as he rubbed his own sore bottom.

Gary pumped his fist in triumph. “Can’t come soon enough, boys. I am so glad we can finally put last night’s absolute fuckup behind us. Let’s get to it!” With that, the three of them cheered and then all rushed up the stairwell.

The stairs, as it turned out, led to what looked like a foyer of a large and elaborate house… which seemed to have been recently ransacked. Destroyed furniture aside, it was fancy enough to be the inside of a mansion — and for some reason, it looked oddly, horribly familiar to the terrible trio…

“INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! DEFENSIVE PROCEDURES ACTIVATED!”

An eyeball-shaped camera came out of the wall next to the three men. The camera began scanning them with a red light, and alarm klaxons blared. “UNKNOWN PERSONS! CONTINUING WITH DEFENSIVE PROCEDURES!”

Not but a moment later, the three men heard several terrifying noises on top of the alarms: the sound of laser guns powering up, the whirring of a knife-wielding vacuum cleaner… and the low, rumbling growl of a rescue panther whose automated feeding service had yet to supply it with this morning’s mail-order beefsteak.

The three naked men looked at each other with expressions of abject horror. And somewhere in the wooded hills of Monumentropolis’ Municipal Park, a synchronized triple scream of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” echoed across the skies…