Sterling, his kingdom of Altaira (spelling slightly changed to avoid confusion with Altaria, the Pokemon), and the rest of the characters featured are the creations of my author's anonymous co-writer, who has graciously helped me get this story completed. The first story with Sterling was written by FraggsterFly, who was gracious enough to route us to our co-writer in the first place! Both parts can be accessed here:
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Prince Sterling and Captain Sarissa in:
"Woodland Woes"
by Skaea and an anonymous co-writerContains: */M and */F hotbuns with some ballbusting. NSFW.
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It was a quiet day in the kingdom of Altaira. The castle town was bustling, the market was alive with shoppers, and overall there was nothing particularly interesting going on in Castle Town. In the lavish palace at the center of the kingdom, as per usual at this hour, all was peaceful. The servants were preparing lunch for the royals while others were cleaning. And the royal residents… well, they were supposed to be down in the dining room for lunch, but as usual they were late.
Princess Annabelle, a five-foot six-inch tall and slender twenty year old girl with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, was a typical spoiled princess. She preferred to be waited on hand and foot, as she was bossy and only cared about herself and her happiness. The servants were happy to serve her, however, especially the males. They always enjoyed going to Annabelle’s room, just to see their beautiful princess. They especially enjoyed the princess’s rather large assets. Annabelle loved the attention that everyone was constantly giving her.
Twenty-four year old Prince Sterling, on the other hand, was quite gentle and kind. He always put everyone before himself, even if that meant that he was going to be hurt. Sterling was also tall, about five-foot-eleven, and slender but he also had a well-toned body with short, silver hair and bright blue eyes. His face was a handsome one that all of the girls would fall in love with. Sterling was the Crown Prince of this kingdom, though most people wondered if he was up for the task. Sterling was quite clumsy and made a lot of mistakes, though he always meant well. The townspeople and the palace staff were sometimes afraid to be around him due to his clumsiness. Some thought that their prince had been cursed by an evil sorcerer when he was a young child. Sterling, though extremely clumsy, was also extremely brave, though he was not that strong, even though he tried to pass himself off as a strong man and usually ended up humiliating himself instead.
The day was mostly peaceful, except for the screaming coming from a room in the palace. It was late morning, and Annabelle was in the throne room with her brother. They were currently having an argument about whether unicorns were real or not… which was quite ridiculous if one were to ponder it, since Sterling had, a while back, encountered a real, live dragon, which was supposedly just as mythical.
“I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: I want a unicorn and I want one NOW!” Annabelle could be heard yelling. The wooden floor shook from how hard she was stomping her feet.
“Unicorns aren’t real, Annabelle.” Sterling replied, exasperated. “Not the kind you had in mind, anyway. I have been in those woods a million times and not once have I ever seen such a unicorn. Therefore, they are not real.”
“They are! They are real, you idiot! I’ve seen one! I want it captured so that I can have it as my royal steed!” Annabelle screamed and jumped up and down. “GET ME THAT UNICORN! GET IT! GET IT! GET IT!”
Sterling sighed and facepalmed. “If I send some troops out to find this ‘unicorn’, will you stop whining and throwing a temper tantrum about this?”
Annabelle’s eyes lit up. “Only if you come back with it! You have to go get it! Only you!”
Sterling groaned. “Fine! I’ll go after that stupid so-called unicorn. That way I can prove to you that unicorns don’t exist. Not here in Altaira, anyway.”
“THEY DO EXIST HERE IN ALTAIRA! THEY DO! THEY DO! THEY DO!” Annabelle yelled and jumped up and down, throwing yet another fit.
Sterling pinched the bridge of his nose and moaned in frustration. It was no secret that Annabelle was obsessed with unicorns, such wondrous and beautiful things. She was so adamant about wanting to keep one to ride on every day that she bought it up in almost every conversation these days. The locals dismissed her desires as nonsense, and wondered if she would ever consider a different choice of exotic pet, for no one had seen any unicorns around Altaira for decades. Not the variety she was describing, anyway.
Lord Rollington had at least tried to console the petulant princess, promising to find the money to charter a trip to India someday. There was a species of unicorn there, though not the kind she would have desired: a donkey-sized animal like a goat or antelope, with a white, black, and rust-colored coat and a straight conical horn that was colored similarly. This so-called ‘Indian Ass’ was fabulous enough, he had hoped, but her preference was clear: the unicorn she wanted would be like those from the manuscripts and tapestries of old, pure white in color with the body and cloven hooves of a deer, the tail of a lion, the head and mane of a horse, the beard of a goat, and a spiral horn on the forehead like a narwhal tusk that could purify water and heal even mortal wounds. The catch was that nobody had seen any such unicorn anywhere in the world, at least not that anyone knew in the kingdom. Plus, it was said that they were far too difficult to catch, never mind that she had no idea how to actually keep one. If they existed at all.
Annabelle looked at her brother with a smirk. “Actually, I don’t want you to go alone. You’ll probably do something stupid if you do. I want you to take the captain of the royal guard with you so that you have some protection from yourself — seeing as how you are extremely clumsy,” she laughed.
He started from his train of thought, or rather the wreck it had just become now that Annabelle had caught him off guard. “Sarissa? You want him to come?! You can’t be serious right now!!”
“Oh but I am! Someone has to keep you from getting hurt. I mean, look how often you screw up. You need someone to protect you and Sarissa is the perfect person to do so.” Annabelle smirked. “He can’t protect you from being dumb and clumsy but he can at least get you out of dangerous situations.”
Sterling moaned in despair. Sarissa would indeed be useful for keeping him out of real danger, but he was also the worst commanding officer in the royal army. Apparently, his power and authority had gone to his head ever since he was made head of the royal guard, and when not in his shining white armor (which he had polished to a mirror sheen every single day), he was always dressed in the most expensive, lavish clothes imaginable, strutting about like a phoenix courting a mate and treating everyone around him as a servant.
“Are you sure you can’t pair me with someone else, Wah-nnie?” Sterling said finally, using her despised childhood nickname out of bitter spite over her petty decision.
Annabelle growled and kneed Sterling hard in the crotch. “Call me that one more time, I DARE YOU!”
He squealed and sank to the ground, cupping his groin while the ill-fitting crown on his head slipped off and clattered to the floor. “Worth it,” he squeaked.
Annabelle glared and walked around him, grabbing a sword, and poking his unprotected rump with the very sharp tip. “NO MEANS NO, my dear brother!”
“YEEEEEOOOOUUUUCH!” Sterling leapt a good two feet into the air, coming back down on his bottom… with the spiky, pointy crown on the floor right underneath him.
CRUNCH-POINK-POINK-POINK-POINK!
“AAAYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”
Annabelle laughed and pointed at her older brother. “You are quite funny!” She wiped a tear from her eye. “Seeing you in pain will never get old!” She began to walk out of the room. “See you in the infirmary, Brother!”
“I'm guessing that’s a no on pairing me with anyone else, then?!” he squealed after her, his legs kicking uselessly while he tried to pull the crown free. “OWIIIEEEEAAAAH! GET IT OFF MEEEEEE!”
**********
Captain Sarissa, meanwhile, was having a high old time out in the courtyard, training new recruits. Or rather, browbeating them into submission and making more than a few squires serve him hand and foot.
The Captain was, outwardly, the textbook picture of a royal knight: tall, muscular, and almost as regal as the royal family. He had a handsome, boyish face with long golden and flowy hair reaching down to his upper back and beautiful green eyes, along with a muscular build with massive pectoral muscles, a toned eight pack, and arm and leg muscles worthy of a Mediterranean demigod. But it was no secret that he was, in fact, a pompous, bullying jerk. He had a lot of the same traits as Annabelle, which is why she had fallen in love with the bossy captain, to the horror of all but the surprise of none.
Captain Sarissa was currently having several new recruits and squires polishing his armor. “Haha, yes! Make sure you get all of the nooks and crannies of my armor!” He smirked and held up a sharp little dart, its needle-sharp wooden point fletched by several rooster feathers. “Which lucky man gets this?”
Everyone panicked and began to move out of the way of the dart, but he seemed to move it around and draw a bead on people at random.
He closed his eyes and flung the dart, hitting one of the cute young men square in the bottom. The expected “YEEEOOOUUUCH!”and the young man dancing around as he tried to pull the dart out. “Bingo. Looks like I found a rather vulnerable target.” he chuckled and winked at the young man with the dart in his bottom.
Clara, the palace medic, happened to be walking by at that moment. “Honestly, Captain, must you torment these poor soldiers?” She asked as she pulled the dart out of the poor man’s ample bum. “Shame on you. Shame on your cow!”
“Oh, shut up, you good-for-nothing wench.” Sarissa hissed at her. “No one asked you. So leave.”
Clara rolled her eyes at Sarissa in exasperation. “Very well.” she sighed and walked off, shaking her head. “By the way, Prince Sterling wants to see you.”
Sarissa smirked and watched her walk off. He highly enjoyed watching as her curvaceous derriere jiggled as she walked. The captain smirked and grabbed a dart, aiming right at the poor medic’s left buttock. He threw the dart and hit his target, smirking as the inevitable ensued.
“AAAAOOOOWWWCH!” Clara yelped and grabbed her sore bottom. “OUCH! That was EXTREMELY unnecessary!” She shook a fist at the captain then pulled out the dart and rubbed her bum with her other hand. “Ooooohh…”
Captain Sarissa sighed and looked at his men. “You all are dismissed. I have some things to discuss with the prince.” He stormed off into the palace, leaving Clara behind, and headed towards the throne room.
Clara watched him go with a look of utter contempt. What a jerk. He acts like HE is the prince. Who thought it was a good idea to make him captain of the guard? Clara thought as she continued to rub her punctured bottom.
Later…
“You wanted to see me, Your Royal Clumsiness?” Sarissa bowed as he entered the throne room. He couldn’t help but smirk at the nickname he had given Sterling.
The silver-haired youth scowled at him. “My sister wanted you to accompany me to Alarane Forest. She wants a… a unicorn. As if those even exist in this country! At least the kind she wants, so white and sparkly and prissy…”
“I will do anything for Princess Annabelle.” He smirked and flipped his hair. “If I catch that unicorn for her, she will surely marry me!”
Sterling retched. Sarissa and his sister were truly a match made in Hell, a polar opposite of him and Clara. “If you can catch one,” he replied acidly. “If you wanted to get her a real unicorn, we could go to India, or perhaps Persia. They have perfectly serviceable one-horned creatures there already!”
“But Princess Annabelle wants the unicorn that she saw, so I will do my best to get it for her. The princess gets what she wants.”
“She saw a unicorn?” Sterling looked understandably skeptical.
“That is what she said to me. I believe her. We should pack if we are going to head out into the forest tonight.”
His eyes widened in dread. But then he sighed. “Alright. We’ll get going as soon as we can. But if you end up coming back empty-handed, don’t complain to me!”
It was a while before they got all the necessary supplies: snares and traps, rations, and most of all, first-aid. Sterling of course would need it by this point… It took a while to get everything set up, in no small part because Sarissa wanted his armor polished to perfection for the task. But once they were ready, they met up with Sterling’s majordomo, the portly, mustached Lord Rollington, who was waiting for them in a horse-drawn carriage just outside the castle.
“Well, Rollington, are we ready to get going?” asked Sterling, clearly exhausted even before they’d even gotten in the carriage.
“Yes, if you are. I have been ready for the past twenty minutes. You two have been extremely slow.”
“Well, I would’ve gotten here sooner if a certain someone—” Sterling glared at Sarissa — “was less concerned about keeping up appearances…”
“You wouldn’t understand, seeing as how you hardly care about your appearances. You should! Appearances are quite important.” Sarissa flipped his hair and smiled brightly.
Sterling grumbled in distaste as he and Sarissa entered the cart. “Let’s just get it over with. If Annabelle gets a unicorn, good for her, but if not… well, she’s got another thing coming for her.”
“And what would that be?” Rollington asked as he started the cart. He did his signature eye-roll and shook his head. “My Prince, pardon me, but are you dense? You know what your sister is capable of…”
“I can take her, don’t you worry.” Sterling flashed a smile. “I’m her older brother. We’re about equally matched. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Yes, but she is smarter, My Prince.”
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that…”
“I am just being honest, Your Highness.” Rollington said with another eyeroll.
Sterling decided not to argue further. He’d prove her wrong for once, no question. As the carriage continued along its way, he glanced out the window every so often, noticing the trees becoming more and more densely packed. But the entrance to Alarane Forest was still some ways away, so the ride was relatively uneventful. Aside, of course, from Sarissa swooning over his budding relationship with Anna once this little quest was successful.
“Annabelle is the love of my life,” he sighed. “My sweet Annie, you shall be mine!”
“And you’re planning to woo her… how?” asked Sterling, resting his head on his hand and his elbow on the carriage window.
“By getting her that unicorn, of course! I will tame it and then ride it to her, and when I do I will sing to her and give her a bouquet of flowers freshly picked from the Alarane Forest. And then I will ask her to marry me!”
“That… is a very BAD idea, Captain,” Rollington said with a sigh and another eye roll. “You are far too infatuated with the princess, even though you barely know her and you plan on asking her to marry you? At least take her to dinner first. Besides, you don’t know if there even is a unicorn and getting those flowers for the bouquet may be too dangerous. The forest is not only haunted, but it has unspeakable monsters in there as well as evil demons. Also, I have heard you sing and, pardon me, but you have a terrible voice.”
“The dinner probably won’t work anyway,” grumbled Sterling. “Remember what happened that one time when you tried to present her with a candlelit meal?”
Captain Sarissa blushed deeply. “Yes, I remember! I don’t want to talk about it.” He crossed his arms and huffed.
Sterling smirked, having found an opening he couldn’t possibly resist. “What, the way you dropped those overcooked noodles, slipped on them while trying to clean up, and landed butt-first on the candles?” he teased.
“I politely ask you to SHUT UP, Your Clumsiness.”
“Or how about that one time you mistook catnip essence for some expensive perfume you wanted to seduce her with? I swear all the cats in the kingdom used the seat of your pants as a scratching post for three days.”
“I said SHUT UP!”
“And need I mention that one time you tried to take her to the royal gardens for a moonlight stroll, only to make a wrong turn, end up in a farmstead on the outskirts of the kingdom, and run afoul of the owner’s prize bull which took offense to the sight of those ridiculous red trousers you were wearing that evening?”
Sarissa let out a yell of frustration and smacked Sterling over the head.
“Worth it,” said Sterling, nursing the sore spot on his scalp while grinning like a loon.
Rollington couldn’t help but roll his eyes again. “Excuse me, but if you would kindly stop your bickering for a few minutes, that would be wonderful.” Rollington stopped the carriage. “We are here.”
The two of them promptly stepped out of the carriage, Sarissa purposely tripping Sterling as he stepped out of the carriage.
“Oh my, Your Clumsiness, you must be more careful,” Sarissa said with a smirk as he held back his laughter.
Sterling had tumbled head-over-heels and landed bottom-first in a mud puddle. He rolled his eyes and blew a strand of silver hair out of his face. He’d never figured out how this jerk had ever gotten his current position until Clara had enlightened him a little while back… at the expense of his innocence. Not to mention his opinion of half the ladies in the aristocracy.
Standing up and drying his hands off on his already ruined pants, he decided there was no point in waiting. “Well… Here goes nothing.”
“Just be careful. I will be back in the morning with fresh supplies.” Rollington said as he helped the two young men with their bags.
“I cannot make any promises, Rollington,” Sarissa said with a smirk. “I live for danger!”
Sterling grumbled to himself, knowing full well that he’d just jinxed them both. But he said nothing as he made his way through the entrance, made from twisted, gnarled trunks and branches. Beyond that… the dark, old forest stood, daring anyone to step inside, knowing full well that those who took up said dare did so at their own peril.
Rollington watched them go with a sinking feeling, wondering if he should once again take the weekend off. Alarane Forest was known from the old folk tales of the kingdom as a region no one dared to enter for a very good reason. Mystical forces far older than anyone or anything dwelled here, and these two men were waltzing right into their domain without even knowing the proper etiquette of its natives. As he drove the carriage back to a much safer parking location, he could only hope that the two royals would have the sense to turn back while they still could… though knowing them both, that’d only happen when Hell froze over.
**********
“Haha! This is going to be a cinch!” The captain laughed confidently and smiled as he walked through the forest with his chest puffed out, slashing at any vegetation that got in his way. Behind him, Sterling sulked in silence, perhaps hoping that the tree roots would soon drag him screaming into the forest. Or fling him back out the way they’d come. Whichever was better.
Sarissa apparently hadn’t realized it like Sterling had, but the forest seemed to be growing darker and more eerily silent with each step, not to mention that weird feeling that so many unseen eyes were now being trained upon the two of them.
Sarissa was mindlessly picking flowers and humming a tune that he had made up for Annabelle, not caring that he was tone deaf. “Beautiful pink flowers for my beautiful Annabelle,” He said to himself as he continued to pick every pink flower in sight.
“Your Annabelle?” asked Sterling. “I doubt she’d even want to look at you once we return to the kingdom…”
“Why do you think that? She is in love with me and the whole kingdom of Altaira knows it!”
“If they knew, they’d tease you endlessly about it, and as far as I know they’re teasing you about the exact opposite…”
“Are you stating that my dearest Annabelle dislikes me?” Sarissa growled.
“Oh, not at all. But if I asked, she’d probably confirm it herself.”
Sarissa sputtered in anger and picked up a large rock, aiming for Sterling’s family jewels. His throw was off, however, and in the process the rock bounced off the ground, whizzed between the prince’s legs, and flew up into the treetops.
The two men watched the rock go, before hearing a series of progressively louder crashing noises, screams of wounded animals, and eventually the noise of a hundred-year-old oak tree crashing into the ground.
“Now you’ve done it,” Sterling hissed.
“Me? ME? You are the one who provoked me, so this is your fault!”
Sterling was about to reply when a horrible noise reached their ears. BZZZZT…
The men looked at each other. “RUN!” they cried simultaneously, before doing just that.
Sarissa ran in front of Sterling and purposely tripped him so that the bees would be distracted. “See you later, Your Clumsiness!”
Sterling yelped and rolled around, pressing his bottom to the ground and shielding his face as the swarm closed in.
But the swarm went right over Sterling’s head, barely even noticing him as the bees chased after Sarissa. Sarissa’s eyes widened. “Oh no! NonoNONO! NO! NOOOO!”
Sterling looked up, wondering why he hadn’t gotten stung even once, before hearing the captain of the guard screaming like a little girl. He looked around to see Sarissa swinging his arms like a madman, trying to fend off the bees as he ran for his life.
“GET AWAY! GET AWAY, BEES! OOOOWW! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! NOO! STOP STINGING MEEEEOOOOWWWWCH! OUCH! YEOW! NOT MY ASS! YEEOOOUUUCH! OW! OW! OW! OUCH!” Sarissa was jumping every so often and grabbing his plump bottom as the bees stung the delicate cheeks.
“Sarissa, wait! Turn back and head for the—” Too late. The captain of the guard had already disappeared into the trees, though his screams could still be heard in the otherwise quiet setting.
The prince felt his heart sinking. He had gotten his wish for Sarissa to go away, but now he was alone in a very dangerous forest, with no help in sight.
“This,” he said to himself, “will not end well on any level.”
**********
Sterling soon found himself wandering nowhere. The woods seemed to move about of their own accord, paths changing and landmarks shifting positions. No navigation methods or devices worked, and the canopy was dense enough that the sun couldn’t shine through.
In short, he was hopelessly lost.
The forest had to end somewhere, he just needed to wander far enough in a straight line. But how could he do that when he couldn’t tell what direction was straight anymore?
A noise dead ahead of him made him freeze. He wondered what it was, and if it had the potential to hurt him. Ultimately he decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and made his way to a large tree to hide.
The noise could be heard again, like crunching leaf litter. There was something definitely there.
Should he look, or shouldn’t he? Fear warred with curiosity for a few long moments, before he decided that if he really was going to be attacked, he had to know what was maiming him. And so he risked a peek around the tree… and gasped in total awe, his mouth agape.
There it was. He had thought of it as a mere myth, but there it was.
The unicorn was a beautiful purest white in color, and majestic in stature even as it grazed upon the moss on a tree root. It had a three-foot-long, golden horn on its forehead, spiraling like a narwhal tusk, and what looked like a billy goat beard on its equine chin. Though its body was otherwise like a snow-colored stallion, it had the tufted tail of a lion and cloven hooves like a deer that shone a glittering gold, just like its horn; its mane and tail tuft were also gold in color.
Sterling admired the animal in spite of himself for a few long moments, and then he remembered something. Annabelle wanted this very creature. And she had asked him to catch it, an impossible task.
Oh dear.
He hid behind the tree again. Thinking hard, he tried to find a means of subduing it. Then his eyes fell on a long rope-like vine, and an idea took form in his handsome head. He peeked around the tree again, and saw that the unicorn was gone. But he knew it would be back.
Three minutes later, he had a snare set up, meant to lasso the creature as it came. Then he hid in a nearby bush, on his knees and elbows, and waited.
And waited.
And waited still.
There was no sign of the unicorn for five whole minutes. The wait was agonizing. Shouldn’t the unicorn have been back by now, or had it moved elsewhere? Should he just take down the snare and set it up in a different spot?
What he had no awareness of, however, was that in a way, the unicorn had moved. He would never know that it had seen him set up the snare, and guessed his intention the second it recognized it. Having vanished into the woods, it had circled round to position itself directly behind him, recognizing his posture as a golden opportunity.
There was a shuffling sound coming from behind Sterling. The unicorn snorted as it looked at the snare once again. Then it lowered it's head and pawed at the ground with a golden hoof, making the prince turn his head and let out a startled gasp.
“Uh… hello?” said Sterling with a nervous laugh. “I-It’s not what it looks like, I swear!!”
The unicorn glared at Sterling and made an annoyed whinny, pawing the ground again. Before he could protest any further, it lowered its head a bit more, and then broke into a full gallop in his direction, aiming its long spear-like horn right at the middle of his perfectly plump rear.
“Oh nonoNONOOOO—”
SHNNKKK!
“EEEEEYYYYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”
Sailing through the air with a shriek of pain, clutching his abused rump, he ended up landing in his own snare, which was sprung just in time to catch his foot and send him flying straight up.
“WAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
Of course, what goes up must come down. The thwarted would-be captor gradually came to a stop above the treetops, and then looked down with a yell of horror. The unicorn had positioned itself so that its horn was directly below Sterling and pointing straight up, ensuring that he was now falling butt-first towards it.
“NOOOOO! PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”
SHNNNNKKKKK!
“YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHH!”
His scream sent birds flying into the air a mile away. And something told him it wouldn’t be his last that day, either…
**********
Sarissa was laying on the ground, groaning and rubbing his now swollen and stung bottom. He whimpered softly as he slowly stood up, wincing as he did so. “Stupid bees. Stupid forest. stupid everything. Oooooww… My poor bottom.” Sarissa looked around and sighed. “And now I’m lost. Well that’s just perfect… Oooohhh…” He massaged his bum a bit more then began walking in a random direction. “Now to find that unicorn and get the hell out of this place.”
He too was hopelessly lost, the forest itself seeming to change the paths he was traveling upon in all manner of random directions. Was he walking in circles, or finding a winding path that was taking him deeper into the forest? He couldn’t really tell.
“This is ridiculous. This is Sterling’s fault.” He continued to grumble and complain about Sterling but he suddenly stopped after he heard some rustling. “What was that…?” He asked out loud. “Prince Sterling? Is that you?”
Another rustling noise came from nearby. He looked around, but there was nothing there…
“Sterling! This isn’t funny! Come out here!”
And then one of the bushes began to rustle, and a low growl began emanating from it…
“Uh...that isn’t Sterling…” He threw a rock into the bushes and drew his sword. “Whoever or whatever you are, show yourself!”
And then something small, furry, and adorable popped out of the bushes. It had a round, almost human-like face, with a tiny button nose with whiskers, large round green eyes, and a cute little cat-like mouth and ears, but its body was like that of a red-orange kitten with a long, lizard-like black tail ending in a tuft of what appeared to be long hair. Only a foot tall, it came up to his shin and rubbed it, purring.
“Aww! Well, aren’t you adorable!” The Captain smiled and picked the kitten-like creature up.
The little creature purred, its eyes half-lidded. It swished its tail from side to side, its smile widening.
“Can I keep you and take you home with me?” He smiled and rubbed it’s head. The little animal mewed in reply, clearly pleased with its new friend.
Then he heard another rustling noise, and he looked back at the bushes. “Umm… are there more of you?”
And then another rustling noise, and another, and another. It wasn’t long before half a dozen more of the little creatures appeared, surrounding the royal captain and looking up at him expectantly.
“Well hello! You have a whole...pack...why are you…” he gulped. “Growling…?”
Then he heard a SHINK, of every single one of them — including the one in his arms — baring razor-sharp teeth like those of a shark, three sets in each mouth.
Three rows of teeth in each jaw, the body of a red cat, a face like that of a person…
And that was when he realized exactly what these creatures were.
“Oh no…” Sarissa dropped the manticore in his arms and turned to run. “NOOOO!”
RAAAOOOWWWR! GROOOOWL! HISSS! SCRATCH! “AAAHHHH NOOOO! WHAT DID I DO TO YOOOOOOUUUUUCH!” ROOOWWWWRRRR! SLICE! RIP! “YEEEOOOWWW!” TEAR SLASH HIIIISSS! “OOOOWWWCH! MY ARSE! STOOOOPPP!”
Sarissa ran to a nearby tree and began to climb it. He rested on a branch, groaning in pain. The manticores stopped just below the tree… and with a loud SNKT, they all extended long, porcupine-like spines from their backs and the ends of their now upwards-curling tails.
Sarissa was watching them from above. He was so focused on the manticores that he hadn’t heard the CRACK of the branch. Sarissa did, however, feel the branch give away a bit, which caused him to lose his balance and roll off the branch. With a terrible scream, he found himself falling bottom first… right towards those spines.
“NOOOOOOOOO!!”
CRUNCH-SHNNK!
“EEEYYYOOOOWWWWCH!” Sarissa yelled and leapt sky-high, holding his bottom. The creatures followed his path for a moment then moved so that they would be directly underneath him again.
Sarissa looked down as he fell through the air again. “NOOO!” He yelled as he tried to swim through the air to avoid the spines. It was not meant to be as he fell butt-first onto the manticore spines once again.
CRUNCH-SHNNK!
“YYYEEOOOOWWWW! MY BOTTOM!!”
Sarissa once again leapt up into the air once again and once again, the manticores moved with him; he felt his heart sink as he saw the spines below him.
“Not again!” Sarissa groaned, bracing himself for the inevitable.
CRUNCH-SHNNK!
“OOOOOOOOWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
The poor captain screamed in pain and, for the third time, leapt into the air holding his bottom. This time the manticores just watched as the poor man came crashing down onto his pierced bum, forcing the spines deeper in.
CRUNCH! Sarissa’s eyes widened and his mouth opened wide as his hands moved to cup his abused bottom. There was a moment of dead silence…
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYOOOWWIIIIIEEE!!!”
Sarissa squealed and keeled over, holding his bottom, which was pointed in the air. The manticores looked around at each other, and then at his punctured rear… which was starting to swell from the painful, bee-sting-like venom the quills injected…
“AAAAAOOOOOWWWWWCCCCHHHH! IT STIIIIINNNGS!” Sarissa yelled, kicking his feet uselessly while clutching his anguished rump.
And then he found himself surrounded by cute little manticores. More than a dozen of them, in fact, all in varying shades of red, and all licking their chops, their huge cute eyes trained on those noticeably enlarged, shish-kebabed, delicious-looking buttocks of his.
“Well,” Sarissa groaned, closing his eyes in worry about what was to come, “maybe I should reevaluate some of my choices in life…”
ROOOOOAAARRRR! “AAIIIIIEEEEEEEE!” RRRIIIP! CRUNCH! “YEEAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!” GROOOOOWWWLLL! SLASH! SLICE! “OOOOOOWWWWWWCCCHHH!” SNARL! CHOMP! “STOOOOPPPP! HEEEELLLP!!”
**********
Sterling would swear he heard faint screaming, rubbing his still-sore bottom while figuring out his next scheme. He had observed the unicorn feeding on moss and flowers, not even daring to get within its sight; he couldn’t even look at its horn without flinching. A different tactic had to be used, one that wouldn’t involve being flung high enough for the creature to position itself directly below him.
But what if… what if he tried dropping onto the unicorn when it wasn’t paying attention? Perhaps that could work a bit better, but he’d have to be quick to get his second rope around its neck.
The unicorn was under a tree, grazing on some grass growing around the base. It huffed a little and started moving away from the tree, trying to find some taller grass to eat. It’s tail swished in contentment as it grazed happily.
Above it, as stealthy as he could manage, Sterling slid across a large tree branch towards the unicor, staying away from that horn and lining up with its back. Pulling the rope from his pocket, he readied himself to make the jump. If only he could get on juuuust right…
Sterling landed roughly on the unicorn’s back, feeling a bit of satisfaction… only to be bucked off an instant later. He landed painfully on the ground, bum first, but just before it dashed off, he grabbed its tail as hard as he could.
Naturally, this resulted in him being dragged behind it as it galloped into the forest. “WAAAAAAGH!!”
The majestic creature ran in between trees and brush, the poor prince’s bottom being scraped and poked by rocks and sharp twigs on the way. “WAIT WAIT NONONOOOOOWWWCH! OW OWIE OWWW! STOP! PLEEEASE!!”
The unicorn only went faster, dragging him with it. He screamed in horror as he saw it heading towards a patch of very nasty stickers. “NOOOOOO!”
Too late, the unicorn plowed through the thorn bushes and took him with it, the seat of his trousers being shredded to ribbons. “AAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!”
The creature whinnied in distaste as it ran even faster, heading towards a shallow river. Sterling couldn’t help but feel relieved, at least the water would ease the pain! But the unicorn cleared the river with a single bound, and his bottom splashed against the water for only a few seconds.
He was now skiing behind the unicorn with his heels scraping the dirt. But his ass wasn’t out of trouble yet, for a series of scuttling legs had found purchase upon them…
SNAP! PINCH! TEAR! CLACK CLACK!
“EEEEYYOOOWWWWIIEEE!!” The prince screamed as he felt sharp claws embed themselves in his delicate derrière. “OOOOWWW! OUCH! YEOW! YEOWCH!” He continued to scream as river crabs pinched him continuously, even as the unicorn cantered onward.
It smashed its way through a clump of bushes, and Sterling felt the crabs being torn free from his pants, shredding the fabric and exposing his boxers. But then he felt dozens of little paws clinging to his bottom, and realized to his horror that he had been dragged straight through a squirrel nest!
SQUEAK! CLAW! CHOMP! RIIP! SLICE! CRUNCH! The squirrels were biting and clawing the poor prince’s bottom without mercy. “NOOO! OOOWWW! OWCH! OW! STUPID SQUIRRELS! LEAVE MY BOTTOM ALONE! OUCH!”
Then the squirrels suddenly leapt off all at once, just before the unicorn leapt over a fallen tree and continued on its way.
There was a papery feeling on Sterling’s now exposed bottom. He heard a RIP as if paper was being torn by his bum as he was dragged along. He heard a sudden buzzing noise and a feeling of dread overwhelmed him.
“Oh no,” he whimpered.
BZZZZZZZZ! STING STING STING! “OUCH! OW OW OOOWWW! YEEOOOWWW!” ZAP! SHNK! BZZT! “NOOO! STOP STINGING MEEEEYYEEEEOOOWWWCH!” ZING! SHIK! “OUCH OUCH! OOWWWIIIEE! YEOWCH! YEOW! EEYEOUCH!” Sterling’s eyes watered as his bum was mercilessly stung by the angry wasps, red angry welts forming all over his pale bottom.
Finally, the unicorn abruptly stopped. In doing so, though, it caused Sterling to fly screaming over its head and towards a clump of trees as the wasps scattered. “WAAAAAAAHHH—OOF!”
He was brought to an abrupt halt by his rather large and swollen bottom getting wedged between two closely spaced trunks, leaving his feet dangling several inches off the ground. “GAH! OH NOOO!”
When the hapless prince looked back behind him, he saw the unicorn pawing the ground with a cloven hoof, getting ready to charge. It snorted once, aiming its horn at the exact center of his cherry-red naked backside, and then galloped as fast as it could toward Sterling, who closed his eyes and screamed in terror. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
SHUNK! The unicorn struck home, its razor-sharp horn going right between his lower cheeks, the force of the impact so great that it pushed him out of the tight gap. Still, his eyes popped open for a split second, tears pouring down his handsome face…
“EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!! MY BOTTOOOOOMMMM!!”
**********
Sarissa was now limping along as he rubbed his bottom in pain. “I officially hate this forest,” he grumbled and kicked a nearby tree trunk. “I can’t find my way out and I’m totally lost!”
He felt around behind him, hoping to pull out a map or compass, and then a horrible realization struck him. His supply bag was missing!
“Shit! My bag… Great! Now I’m REALLY lost!” He yelled and kicked the tree harder. “OUCH!” He groaned and pulled his foot up into his hands. “Stupid tree!” He growled and hopped a bit on one foot for balance. Calming down after a minute, Sarissa put his foot back down and leaned against the tree. “Now what?”
Sarissa sighed and carefully sat down, bing extremely cautious with the weight he put on his extremely sore bum. “No map, no food, not even any first aid…”
And then he saw something from the corner of his eye. Could it be… could it really be? But no, it was like what, twenty feet off the ground?
“No way…” Sarissa groaned. “I guess I have to climb.”
The captain sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically before beginning his climb up to his bag. This was surprisingly easy, given that there were a number of sturdy branches within his reach, allowing him to haul himself up as easily as though he was climbing a ladder.
“Pain in the ass… Okay, this isn’t too bad. But still!” He mumbled and grumbled to himself wordlessly as he continued up towards the branch the bag was hanging from, a little confused that it was that easy but not really caring.
No, the problem was that the bag itself was hanging off the very end of the branch. This meant he had to wrap his arms and legs around the branch, and shuffle along its length. Just a little closer, and then he could just get the bag loose and pull it off. As soon as he was within range, he reached for his bag, unaware of vines closing in on him…
“AAACK!” He’d suddenly felt something wrap around his body, pinning him to a branch. “What the hell!?” he yelled out as he struggled against the vines, but they held him tight and secure. “Let me go! Release me, you stupid plants!”
He wasn’t aware of a long, thin tree branch rearing up behind him like a snake about to strike. It was only when he heard the creaking of wood and rustling of branches when he turned his head around as much as he could… and realized that his bottom was right in front of the branch in question…
“No! Oh NO!” Sarissa yelled and wiggled his feet, his legs bound as tightly to the branch as his arms, keeping him from moving an inch.
SWISH-WHACK!!
“OWCH! Stop it!” Sarissa cried, but the branch ignored his plea as it drew back for another strike.
WHOOSH-WHACK!
“OOUCH! That hurts!”
WHISSH-THWACK! “OOOWWW!” FWISSH-CRACK! “YEOWCH!!”
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!!
“OOWW! OUCH! AAAAHH! NOOO! STOP! YEOWCH! YEOW!”
Mercifully, the branch finally stopped, but in the wake of both the lashing and the effects of the manticore venom, the captain’s poor bum had swelled up horribly. Moaning and squirming in his bound position, he wondered what was going to assault him next, but hoped he’d be able to escape before sundown. As soon as he found Sterling again, he was going to kill him.
That was when he heard the flutter of wings from somewhere behind him, followed by a distinctive tapping sound. Sarissa looked behind him once again. “W-woodpeckers…?”
There it was, that tapping sound again, and it was just a little louder this time. And closer…
There was a long pause of anticipatory dread. And then he felt the branch tremble just slightly as something landed just behind his bottom.
“Umm. Hi there?”
The woodpecker cocked its head curiously, before deciding that this was as good a thing to use its razor-sharp beak on as any, driving it in between his buttocks and puncturing his legwear.
“YEEEOOOWWW! Hey! That isn’t nice!”
The bird ignored his complaint, and then started hammering his bottom at several times a second, starting to tear at his trousers with rigorous fervor.
“NOOO! STOOOP! OOWWW! OUCH! OW OW OW! YEOW!” He continued to scream in pain.
Needless to say, his pleas had absolutely no effect on the intensity of the bird’s attacks, which were now starting to tear the seat of his pants to pieces, revealing his heart-print boxers. All the while he continued to scream and writhe on the branch, unable to budge while the bird had free reign over his tender tuchus.
POINK POINK POINK POINK POINK POINK POINK!!
“EEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAOOUUUUUCCCCHHHH!!! OOOOOUUUUCH!! STOOOOP! YYYOOOOWWWWCH! OWIE OW OW OW OWWWW!”
It was a few agonizing minutes before the wretched bird finally stopped and fluttered away. Sarissa groaned in pain and tried to free himself from the vines again. “Fucking vines… Fucking woodpeckers… Fucking enchanted forest!!”
The branch slowly lowered as he wiggled around a little more fervently. Only when he felt himself start to slide did he stop wiggling. “Oh nononooOOOOOOO!”
He suddenly slid off, only to get caught by his underwear on a slightly smaller branch just underneath him. “AAAAIIIIEEE! OOOOOOoooohhh…”
For one brief moment, it seemed like he would slide off and fall all the way down to the unforgiving forest floor. But then he heard the creaking of wood in the exact same manner as a bow about to fire, and his blood ran cold.
Before he could protest, the branch Sarissa was on suddenly snapped upwards and catapulted him screaming over the forest canopy, tearing his underwear apart in the process and yanking his pants off. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”
As he flew through the air, his eyes widened as he saw a thin tree with a hollow that went clean through the trunk. With an echoing scream, he headed right toward the tree. “NONONOOOOOO!” he yelled, before he hit the tree, plunging right through its trunk. “EEEEEeeee…”
Aside from his swollen bottom, the thing keeping him from slipping all the way through the tree was his massive, impressive genitalia, which complemented his very muscular physique quite nicely. He had balls as big as apples, and a cock nearly a foot long and an inch thick at the maximum. This would surely impress any woman he courted, and had done exactly that in a lot of cases, but alas, here it was only a hindrance… not to mention an easy target.
Squirming and straining, Sarissa struggled to free himself with about as much success as when he had tried to escape the vines, shoulders straining and legs kicking. But then he heard a fluttering of wings, and something perched on the tree trunk, its claws finding purchase directly below his massive equipment…
“No! Please go away! Please! Don’t do what I think you’re going to do! Anything but THAT!” Sarissa squealed, trying to free himself.
This, of course, had exactly as much of an effect on the woodpecker as before, i.e. none at all. It aimed its beak at his large testicles, drawing its head back, and all was still for one brief moment. Sarissa sighed in relief, thinking it was going to leave him be and fly away.
And then it suddenly started hammering his balls with as much intensity as it had with his bottom earlier, alternating between each gonad with several brutal, punishing jabs per second.
“YYEEEOOOUUUCH! NOOO! PLEASE STOP! STOOOPP! I’LL DO ANYTHING, JUST STOOOP! OOOOWWW!!! AAAIIIEEE!! OOOUUUCH! YEEOOOWW! PLEASE STOOOP!” He begged, tears streaming down his cheeks.
This continued for a few more agonizing minutes, poor Sarissa feeling as though a dozen red-hot needles were sinking into his meaty manhood as the bird continued attacking. Soon enough, his head and legs were hanging limp, his eyes rolled back into his head as tears of anguish poured down his face.
Finally, the awful bird stopped its attack. A surge of intense relief flowed through him at that point, but he couldn’t muster the energy to even speak. The bird fluttered off into the forest, and it seemed as though his ordeal was over.
And then the sound of dozens of wings reached his ears. Not that he was aware of it at the time, but birds of every shape, size, and color had amassed in the branches behind him, and now six or seven of them had taken flight and begun to swoop, their needle-sharp beaks ready to plunge into his tender swollen buttocks and especially the very vulnerable balls dangling below them…
It really was going to be a long and painful afternoon for the captain of the guard. The sooner he retrieved Sterling and got out of here, he thought miserably, the better.
“NOOO!! NO NONONOOOO NOOOOOOOOWWW!! YEOOOWWWCH! OOOOWWW! YEAAAAAUUUGH! NOOO! STOOOPPP! I BEG OF YOU, PLEEEEASE STOOOOP!!!!…”
**********
Sterling was getting impatient. And a little drafty, come to think of it. The poor prince was still amazed that he never ran out of funding for buying enough replacement pants to clothe half the kingdom, but the fact that hardly a day went by when he didn’t get the seat of his trousers torn off may have had something to do with that.
He had thought that falling onto a cactus patch during a day in the royal gardens was the worst pain his rump could endure, but this damn unicorn had proved him horribly wrong several times now. It was even more amazing that he had been merely left in unbelievable agony rather than outright impaled when the unicorn had gored him several times now, but then again, the fact that unicorn horns, as per the laws of magic, could not hurt the flesh of a virgin, along with the embarrassing fact that he had not yet gotten in bed with anyone at all in his life (not even Clara) might have explained how he had miraculously survived.
And to think Annabelle actually wanted one of these ferocious creatures! By this point, Sterling was starting to wonder if the commonly held belief that unicorns didn’t exist around Altaira was spread not because they weren't real, but because these ones were so dangerous that nobody wanted to get near them.
It was lucky that his backpack had included a grappling hook, a silken blanket, several carpenter’s nails (which he had accidentally sat upon when packing for the trip), and an enchanted shovel that could shrink to the size of a pencil, or he would never have been able to finish this pit trap for weeks. As it was, it had taken about a half-hour of nonstop digging for him to dig up an eight-foot-deep hole, climb back out, and nail the blanket in place.
He had just finished covering the blanket with soil, twigs, and leaf litter when he heard a sound. No, not the unicorn’s whinnying, for it was nowhere to be seen. It sounded like… a woman screaming?!
“YYYEEEEAAAAAIIIEEEEE!!”
Sterling stood up, nearly losing his balance and teetering at the edge of the pit. But finally, by some miracle, he managed to regain his footing, before turning and rushing towards the awful sound. Had someone else ended up in the forest like him and Sarissa, and gotten attacked?
And where was Sarissa, anyway?
Pushing his way through the vegetation, he managed to avoid the worst of the deadly plants and animals as the screams grew steadily closer. Then he stepped into a clearing — and gasped in horror.
“OOOUUCH! HEELP!” The female figure hanging from a tree branch some twenty feet above the ground was being attacked by an angry horde of little creatures that had the bodies of kittens with red fur and the spines of porcupines sprouting from their backs. They had round, naked faces and black, scaly tails tipped with the same spines on their backs. Most of them were on the ground, but two had latched onto each of her buttocks with their razor-sharp teeth and were hanging on like a pair of little bear traps. “YYEEOOOOWWWWCH! MY BOTTOM!!”
Sterling’s eyes widened as he took in the luckless lady. The girl was about Sterling’s age, with a small, petite frame and a round, delicate face with bright blue eyes. She had a tattered dress the color of forest leaves and short blonde hair, mostly covered by a hood. She wore leather sandals on her feet, and had brown leggings under her dress which seemed to have been made of tanned leather. Sterling also noticed, once her hood fell off, that she had pointed ears.
Huh, strange. He’d never heard of elves around these parts…
He looked down at the elf’s bottom, and saw that aside from the obvious, there were many, many spines sticking out. “Oh no!” he cried, his instinct for helping people in need warred with his own fear.
Sterling moved forward to try and help, but one of the little critters turned to hiss at him with its teeth bared, and he was forced to back up. At the same time, before his eyes, the girl was starting to slip off the smooth branch, which had apparently been slicked by her own sweat…
The creatures stuck out their spines in preparation for the young woman to fall; sure enough, she was sliding off one finger at a time, the critters biting her dropping off to join the rest of them. With an echoing scream, she finally slipped off, falling butt-first towards those spines…
“NOOOOOOO!!!”
SHNNK!
“EEEEYYYYOOOOOUUUUUCCCHHH!”
With an even louder scream, she jumped so high into the air, holding her punctured bottom, that she was able to grab the branch again with one hand while the other held her swelling cheeks. More of those spines were lodged in her flesh, and her problems only increased as the little creatures fired more spines like darts from their tails towards the poor girl.
“YEEEOOOOOWWWWW!” The girl screamed again. “HEEEEELP! SOMEONE HELP MEEEYIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
“Hang on!” Sterling cried. “I’ll get you down!”
“ARE YOU DAFT, HUMAN!?” the elf yelled out, her voice cracked with pain over her spiked buttocks.
“Of course I am!” He took out his grappling hook, and prepared to hurl it at the branch. One would expect a person like him to have the hook land back down on his head, but not so here: the hook successfully wrapped around the branch, the rope hanging vertically towards the ground. With a fist-pump of triumph, he skirted carefully around the creatures and then started to make his way up the rope. “Hang in there, I’m on my way!”
The poor elf began to slip a second time, or how many times had it been? In any case, she screamed as she fell towards the spiked critters again. “EASY FOR YOU TO SAYYEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!” She then jumped back up, once again holding her punctured rear with one hand and holding the branch with the other.
Sterling managed to straddle the branch, before scooting forward as carefully as he could. Glancing down at the spiny creatures, he could see them milling about and snarling below the pair. Just a few more feet, and he’d pull her up and get her to safety… As long as he didn’t lose his balance…
Eventually, he managed to get within reach of the elf, and extended his hand towards her. “Grab on!”
Without hesitation, she did just that with one hand. But as soon as she let go of the branch with her other hand, her weight shifted him off-balance, causing both of them to fall.
“EEEEEEK!” The elf screamed at the top of her lungs, and twisted in mid-air to push Sterling under her to use as a cushion.
WHUMP-SHNNK! Sterling’s eyes widened to their absolute limit. He had landed on his back, on top of the spiny critters, one of which still had its spikes out, and unluckily he managed to land his bum on that particular one. Worse, the elf was pinning Sterling down, causing the spines to go even deeper…
“YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCHHHHH!!! IT BURRRRNNNS! GET OFF ME YOU B—”
“Call me a bitch, I DARE YOU!” She hissed, kneeing him in the crotch and causing more weight to be put into his bottom.
“AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I’M SORREEEEEEEEE!” he yelled, but his luck only worsened when the spiny critters took offense for his flattening one of them and piled onto him, completely ignoring the elf girl this time.
GROOWWLLL! HIISSSS! “NOOOO! I’M SORRY!!” SHRED! RIIIP! “OOOWW! STOP IT!”TEAR! CLAW! CHOMP! “OOOOUUUCH! OW! OWOWOW!”
The elf, who had gotten off of Sterling, was nursing her bum when she heard the mauling sounds. She plucked the last quill out of her swollen cheeks and slowly walked over to the tormented prince. “Okay! Enough! Shoo!”
To his amazement, the elf had a ball of fire in her hands. She hurled it like a cricket pitcher at the creatures, enough to scare them but not harm them. “Leave him be!”
Unfortunately for Sterling, who had flipped over onto his stomach to keep himself from forcing the quills in, the fireball hit his ass dead center. “AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHH!! YEEEOOWWW! HOT HOT HOTTTT!”
The elf looked down at the roasting royal, smirking mischievously, and pulled him up off of the ground. She glared at him and rubbed her sore bottom, before turning and walking away.
“NO WAIT!” Sterling screamed, running around I circles and slapping at the flames.”PUT ME OUT! OW OW OWIE OWWWW!!”
“Why should I? You called me a bitch and dropped me onto those manticores. Suck it up, human!”
“I’M SORREEEEE! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE! I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO COME! IT WASN’T MY IDEEEEOOOOWWW!!”
“UGH FINE! Only because you WILL NOT SHUT UP.” She turned him around and pushed him to the ground, stomping on his burning ass and pushing the quills deep enough into his rear that he was surprised they didn’t hit his pelvic bones. His screams could be heard for miles.
“There. Happy!?” she huffed, crossing her arms.
“...No,” he moaned in reply, feebly grabbing at his pincushioned bottom.
The elf rolled her eyes and knelt next to him. Before he could protest, she began to roughly pull the spines out.
POINK! “OW!” POINK! “YEOWCH!”POINK! POINK! “OOUUUCH!”
Finally, there were no more spines in his ass, though it still felt like he had sat in a lava pool. He lay there, groaning in agony, for a few long seconds.
“You are such a baby.” The elf rolled her eyes and began massaging his bum with sudden ice cold hands.
“Ahhhhhh…” Sterling sighed in relief. But then his eyes popped open. “H-how?!”
“I’m a mage, you idiot. I am Mirlara, the most talented magic student in our forest kingdom. I do magic. Are you stupid or something?”
“I’m new around here. I am the prince of Altaira, see, and my sister, Princess Annabelle, wanted a unicorn, so I—”
He didn’t get the chance to finish, for next moment, Mirlara flew into a frothing rage, her eyes suddenly glowing bright white. “EXCUSE ME!? ARE YOU TRYING TO HUNT DOWN A UNICORN FOR PLEASURE AND EXCITEMENT!? HOW DARE YOU!? YOU HUMANS ARE TRULY THE SCUM OF THIS EARTH!”
“AACK! Not so loud! At least I tried to save you, if it counts!” he whimpered, managing to get to his knees.
“I could have handled myself!” The elf swiftly kicked him in the ass, aiming a death glare at him.
“AAAARRRRGH!” Sterling felt like a massive spiked mace had nailed his behind. “Like I said, it wasn’t my idea!!”
“I suggest you leave this forest and NEVER return! You leave that unicorn alone! No wonder we built our kingdom deep in the heart of these woods where you humans wouldn’t find us.”
He blinked in shock. “You have a kingdom?”
A distant crash and a whinny of shock made both of them go silent.
“Too late,” Sterling whimpered, a feeling of impending doom creeping over him.
There was silence for several long moments.
“WHAT did you DO!?” Mirlara shouted.
“Kill my sister, not me!” Sterling shrieked. “She wanted one, and I couldn’t say no or she’d lose her temper and humiliate me in front of the court!!”
“How about I KILL YOU BOTH!?” The elf glared and picked Sterling up over her shoulders.
“No, wait!” Sterling yelled, kicking and struggling as much as he could. “Can we talk about this?!?”
“NO! SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN!”
“No no, please! It wasn’t even—”
But by this point, she had found out where the whinnying was coming from and happened upon the recently sprung trap, her eyes widening. “YOU HORRIBLE PIECE OF HUMAN SCUM!”
She lifted Sterling up, preparing to throw him into the pit. “Go ahead, girl. Have at him! Then I’ll get you out of there.”
“NOOOOO!”
Before he could beg any further, she had flung him over the edge, and he found himself descending butt-first toward the unicorn’s horn for the second time that day.
SHUNK!
“EEEYYYYOOOOOUUUUCH! OOUUCH! OW! OOOWWWIIIEEE!” Sterling flew straight up into the air, howling in pain as he actually rose higher than the ground level, before falling back down towards the horn.
“YEOOOOOWWWWW! OUCH OUCH OUCH! YEOOOOUCH!” Sterling screamed as he continued to jump into the air and back down onto the horn, gravity and pain-induced leaps launching into a nasty tug of war with him and his tortured tuchus in the middle.
SHNNK!!
“YYYEEEOOOOOWWWWCH!”
SHNNNK!!!
“OOOOOWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!”
“Serves you right! You could have hurt this beautiful creature! It is only fair that it gets to hurt you!” Mirlara yelled at Sterling, a bit of a laugh in her voice.
SHINKKKKK!
“EEEYYYYYIIIIOOOOOOOUUUUUCCCHHH!!!”
The hapless prince had to admit that as mean as she was… the mage did have a point. Pun not intended. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he had been at fault himself for submitting to the whims of his heartless younger sibling, even if it was just so she’d stop complaining.
Still… I save someone who could have gotten herself killed out here, Sterling thought miserably before yet again descending back down towards that awful horn, and this is the thanks I get?!
**********
Sarissa was currently grumbling as he trudged along in the forest, pantsless, sore, and exhausted.
“At least I got my bag back,” he muttered, rubbing his pecked and battered bottom. “Maybe I should rest for a while.” He was speaking out loud to no one in particular, but of course there were plenty of eyes and ears observing him.
An errant breeze stirred up behind him. Was it just him, or did it feel a little colder now? Sarissa shivered and rubbed his arms. Maybe he should start a fire before it got dark.
And them he saw it, a distant amber-colored light…
Was that? It was! There was a cave that he could use for shelter for the night. “Yes! I can rest in that cave and build a fire!”
With that comforting thought in mind, he picked up him pace and almost ran towards the cave. He would have ran if it weren’t for his swollen gonads and buttocks. The irony was that for someone built with that much muscle, he had gotten no chance to use it.
“Thank you, whoever above us!” he cried before entering the cave.
There was just one question that plagued the back of his mind. Where had the glow come from? He decided not to think of that yet as he started gathering the wood for the fire.
This is so ridiculous, he thought miserably. I never should have agreed to come here with Sterling...this is all HIS fault. I should have known better. I mean, I call him His Royal Clumsiness for a reason. This whole trip has been a pain in the ass! He winced and held his bottom, massaging it gently. Quite literally!
And why do I get the feeling I’m being followed? I don’t like this very much...
He was just about to relax and cook some food, but then he realized that he had nowhere to sit. He looked around to find someplace comfortable, and then saw what appeared to be a cooled lava vein, one of several within the cave, that formed a two-foot-tall rounded ledge jutting from the cave floor. Perfect.
He moved the firewood towards the lava rock, and then after lighting the fire, he took a seat and waited for it to grow hot enough to use. All the while, he kept on thinking of all those times when he had tried to deal with Sterling before, none of which had worked in his favor.
Stupid Sterling, he thought in silent contempt. He’s always ALWAYS screwing up and I always end up being punished for it. My poor bottom has gotten it so many times because of him. Like that one time when we tried to fend off those wyverns that attacked the royal gardens… My ass was burned horribly, blistered and hurt like hell for a MONTH after that, and the venom from those tail stingers made my ass swell to twice its size for three times as long! I was a laughingstock because of him!
Or that time I was assigned to refurbish the castle armory, yeah. That went REALLY WELL, especially after Sterling ran into the ladder I was on and knocked me into that goddamn bucket of nails and tacks…
And that archery contest with Dres Van, and Sterling missed the target completely, ending up with me having my arse pierced by not one, not two, but THREE fucking arrows! Uuugh Sterling... I couldn’t sit comfortably for two weeks! That medic girl had to clean my wounds because no one else would! I still hate her for how much pain she caused me...
Maybe I should overthrow the prince like his cousin has always tried to do. Or perhaps… perhaps I could try to get on Joshua’s side. Two against one, no contest at all!
“Mwahaha, yesss!” Sarissa smirked to himself, rubbing his hands together. “NowI have a plan, and it’ll be a piece of—”
CRACK!
“What was that…?” The cooled lava that Sarissa was sitting on had suddenly gave way, and was swiftly revealed in fact to be a thin crust over a much hotter core. Sarissa’s eyes widened as he was overcome with a new addition to his trauma list.
“YYEEEOOOOOOWWWWW!!! HOT HOT HOOOOTTT!!! OOOOUUUUUCCCHHH!!”
Sarissa kicked his legs madly about, and as soon as he got some traction, he jumped into the air, holding his scalded bum. “YEEOOOOUUUUUCH!! WATER! WAAATEEERRR!”
He dashed out of the cave, following the sound of running water and possible salvation. A few moments later there was a splash, a series of chomping noises, and a dreadful wail.
“AAAUUUUUURRRRRGGGHHHH!!!”
By the time Sarissa returned to the cave, still pulling off the pair of razor-toothed sjoorms, large water serpents, that had seized his butt cheeks, he saw, to his horror, that the fire had gone out, and the lava vent had also sealed up in his absence.
“God fucking-son-of-a-bitch!!” The captain sputtered with rage and horror. “How the hell!? Fuck me and my fucking luck!”
Sarissa growled and bent down, relighting the fire. “Fuck this day and everything…”
As soon as he had sat down on a second lava vein, though, it too gave way under his bottom. CRACK-SSSSSS!
“NOOOOOOUUUUUCCCCHHH!!!! OOOWWWWIIIIEEEEE!!!!”
The captain once again jumped into the air, holding his badly burned bum. “WAAATTEEERRRRR!!! YYYEEEOOOOOWWWWCCHHHHIIIIEEEE!!!”
Yet again he ran for the sjoorm-infested river, with the same result.
SNAP! CHOMP!
“YYEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!! NOT AAAGAAIIINNN!”
He wasted no time returning to the cave now. And when he arrived, what he saw surprised him.
A quartet of huge newt-like creatures, the size of crocodiles, had just consumed the fire, suctioning the flames into their large mouths. Instead of slimy skin, they had lava covering then, bubbling and glowing orange. When one noticed Sarissa, it turned to face him with eyes like glowing coals and hissed, opening a large mouth full of sharp, red-hot fangs.
Silions.
The term crossed Sarissa’s mind in one brief instant. Giant salamanders that lived in fire and even consumed it to sustain themselves, their very essence being of extreme heat.
Sarissa didn’t stop to think — he drew his sword from his bag and pointed it at them, hoping to drive them off. “Back! Shoo! GET AWAY!”
One of the giant lava newts took one look at the iron blade, and lunged. CHOMP! The silion bit the blade in half, the metal turning to slap in its maw.
Oh dear, Sarissa thought in panic. But before he could turn to run, two more silions had emerged from the ground behind him, leaving him surrounded by six very warm amphibious predators with an appetite for something crispy-fried.
Sarissa screamed at the top of his lungs, whirling around and trying to escape. “NONONO! PLEASE GOD, NO! NOOOOO!!”
Too late. Three of the silions opened their mouths and unleashed streams of white-hot fire, all aimed at his already burnt and blistering bottom…
FWOOOOOOSH!!!
“YYEEEEOOOOOWWWWWCCCHHHH! NOOOOO!!! OOOOWWW!!! OOOUUUCH! HOOOOTTTT! OWOWOWOWIIEEE!!!”
Some distance away, unseen by all, a figure hidden in the bushes observed the luckless captain with a look of horror and disgust.
Skies above, thought the redheaded youth. Mirlara is not going to like this.
**********
“I already said I’m sorry,” Sterling mumbled bitterly. “Did you really have to get me shanked someplace uncomfortable all the same?”
Between his very unfortunate encounters with all the hazards of the forest and having several run-ins with that elusive unicorn and its deadly horn, he was probably not going to be able to sit comfortably for weeks. It was thankful that Mirlara was at least kind enough to provide some medicinal magic to soothe his pain, though he still had to sit in a massive bucket of ice until his overall condition improved.
“Well it’s your fault in the first place...so yes. Yes I did because you are a major jerk and I hate you.”
There was a short pause. “Are all of you elves like this, or just you?”
“What the HELL is that supposed to mean?” The elf glared and pulled out a sharp dagger. “Say that again, I dare you.”
“No no, I didn’t imply anything like that!” Sterling yelped. “Just… just forget I said anything…”
Mirlara growled and put away her dagger. She sighed and looked up at Sterling. “So… I suppose I should lead you out of the forest? You are NOT getting that unicorn, so if you know what’s good for you, then you will let me lead you out and you will NEVER return.”
“Yeeeeeaaaaah, I pretty much gave up after you threw me onto its horn. Are those unicorns… well… friends of your people?”
“Oh, good. And just so you know, they are friends of ours. We protect them.”
“Does that explain why everyone in my kingdom thinks they’re mythical? I thought they were too dangerous for people to get near — and I’m still convinced that’s the case.” He shivered, feeling his bottom tingle.
“That is precisely the reason. These woods are magical. There is an ancient spell protecting it from humans, which is why it has been punishing you so much. Trees that come alive when they sense humans, the unicorn, the other forest creatures… It’s all part of that ancient spell.”
“Unicorns exist elsewhere, though—”
“These unicorns were brought over from other countries, and were specially bred to have some of the strongest magic in the world. We bought them here for the protection of the elven kingdom.”
He blinked. “You have a kingdom? Like we do?”
“Yes, you idiot. I am a high-ranking mage serving the royal family — though my brother is one rank higher than me. I don’t know how he got that far, other than the fact that he’s a real charmer. He constantly sucks up to the king of Orien, flirts with the princess, et cetera…”
He raised an eyebrow. “That… actually sounds somewhat familiar, at least to me. I told you about my sister — she’s petty and selfish and gets by largely by her good looks. And I also have to deal with the cruel royal army captain, and my scheming cousin…”
“It seems that we have very similar lives. Perhaps we are not so different after all.”
He smiled ruefully. “It was Annabelle’s insistence on wanting a unicorn that brought me here in the first place, and she wouldn’t stop making a scene until I relented. I wish I could’ve said no, but she’s family, and I don’t want Mother to see us fighting…”
Mirlara shook her head. “You are too kind, Sterling.”
“Um, thank you?”
“That wasn’t a compliment. You must put your foot down and stop being so damned nice to your sister. Your mother would understand if you said no to your sister, especially if what she wants could put your life in danger.”
He wiggled his bum in the ice bucket to let the coolness spread evenly. “Tell me about it.”
“Plus, your sister sounds like a spoiled little brat. Do not let her think that she can push you around. It’s okay to say no. So what if she gets angry and throws a temper tantrum? At least you aren’t putting your life in danger… or in this case, your bottom.”
Sterling pondered this for a few moments. Then he sighed. “I guess you’re right… Look, I gotta get back to my realm or Mother will be worried. And I have to find Sarissa as well and bring him home. I hope he’s alright…”
Just then, in the distance, there was the sound of screaming…
“AUUUUUURRRRGH!’
Sterling sat up a little straighter. “Sarissa?!”
“Oh great. It sounds like your Sarissa friend has gotten himself into some trouble. I suppose I should go rescue him?”
He thought about it for a moment and then sighed. “Unfortunately, yes…”
“I see. Well, I suppose we should get going. Oh, and Sterling?”
“Hmm?”
“Maybe you are slightly less scum-of-the-earth that I thought you were.”
He smiled grimly. “Try and tell that to Annabelle…”
“If I meet her, I will.” Mirlara stood up and smiled softly at Sterling. “I’ll be back with your friend, if you can call him that.” She then prepared to leave, and then stopped.
“Oh, and Sterling?”
“Hmm?”
“For the love of Orien, put some clothes on!”
He looked down, realizing that his pants were completely gone. He “EEP”-ed and blushed, covering himself. “…oh.”
After about an hour, during which Sterling had managed to get himself a new pair of pants and retrieve most of his stuff, Mirlara came back with a battered Sarissa in tow. He was wobbling a little and cried out in anguish every time he took a step. He had flaming arrows embedded in each of his buttocks and with every step, they jiggled along with his swollen bottom.
Sterling chuckled a little. “I’m guessing things didn’t quite work out the way you wanted, eh, Captain?”
“Shut up! You’re the one who’s sitting in an ice bucket!” Sarissa growled. “Seems like things didn’t work out for you, either!”
“At least I found a unicorn,” the prince replied with a smug grin. “Unlike you, anyway. Too bad I’m not allowed to take one home, or it would’ve all been worth it!” If only so I can savor the look on Annabelle’s face when she finds out what unicorns are really like, he added in his head.
“You found a unicorn!? YOU!? Of all people, I should have found that unicorn! Princess Annabelle will NEVER marry me now!” Sarissa pouted and crossed his arms like a child, and then remembered that his ass was still punctured and also on fire. “EEEYYYOOOOUUUUUCCCHHHIIIIEEEEE!!! IT BUUUUURRRRRNNNNNSSSS!”
Mirlara looked clearly upset as she watched the panicking captain. “Unicorns are sacred creatures! You cannot take one home.”
“YYYEEEOOOOOWWWWW!! OOOWWW! OUCHOUCHOUCH!” Sarissa was hopping and dancing around as he held his burning bottom. He didn’t notice a rock that was near him and ended up tripping, falling flat on his face. “Ouuuchhhh…” He moaned as he held his face, feeling understandably sorry for himself.
Ignoring his luckless captain, Sterling gave Mirlara one last look of forlorn hope. “Perhaps it’d at least be worth—”
“NO! Absolutely not!”
Sterling thought about it for a moment, but then an absolutely radiant smile lit up his face.
“Actually… I think I might have an idea…”
**********
Another hour passed after that. Back at the entrance of the forest, the cart reappeared, this time carrying two different people compared to who had been bought in earlier.
Clara, Princess Annabelle, and a few of the royal guards exited the cart, no doubt planning to wait for the prince and the royal captain to come back. “They have been gone for far too long. What if they got hurt? What if they were kidnapped by some hideous troll or, or, or—”
Annabelle growled and smacked Clara. “Shut up, peasant! If you are that worries, then go in and find them yourself!”
“I will if I have to, seeing as how you don’t care about either of them!”
“You take that back! My love is in there! My sweet Sarissa is with my idiot brother!” Annabelle spat, before gasping as she spilled her darkest secret. “Forget I said anything! That is an order!”
“So, you can care for someone… Interesting.” Clara said as she rolled her eyes.
“Could you girls please stop arguing and focus? We must look for any signs of the prince and the captain are returning.” Rollington sighed and did his signature eye roll. “So much drama in this kingdom. I need another vacation.”
That was when a noise came from the forest ahead. “Clara!” Clara gasped as she heard her name being called. “Annabelle!” Annabelle perked up as well.
“Sterling!” Clara cried out. “My sweet prince! Is that you!?”
“Sarissa! My lo—” she cut herself off immediately. “Sarissa! Get out here now! Where is my unicorn!? I WANT MY UNICORN!”
Sterling stumbled out of the woods, before flopping down onto the ground with a wheeze of exhaustion. True to form, there was not a horn in sight.
Clara gasped and ran to Sterling, kneeling down next to him. “Prince Sterling? You are in SO MUCH TROUBLE. I hope you realize that.” She was clearly upset and worried, but smiled down at him anyway. “But for now, let’s get you home. You must rest.”
Annabelle’s response was quite different: instead of fawning over him like Clara did, she ran over to Sterling as well, only to start kicking him in the butt several times. “WHERE IS MY UNICORN!? YOU PROMISED ME A UNICORN AND YOU DIDN’T GET IT!!” For the third time that day, she started jumping up and down, throwing a fit. As usual.
From the cover of the forest trees, two figures watched all of this transpire.
“By the stars, sister, you were right,” muttered the redheaded elf. “She really is as mean and spiteful as the human prince claimed. What… what do we do?”
“Well, I say we sic the unicorn on her as planned. We just need to wait until that brat calms down first.”
“How do we know when she’ll do that, though?”
That was when Sarissa (with a pair of spare pants borrowed from Sterling) emerged from the forest as well, coming up behind them. “I think I can calm her down.” He smiled brightly with a glint in his eye. “I just need a bouquet for my lovely princess.”
“Didn’t you already try that, Captain?” Sterling asked as he stood up, rubbing his bottom. Clara was clinging to Sterling, as if he would disappear if she let go.
“Once before…” Sarissa grumbled. “Okay. What about fresh berries?”
“Every fruit in the woods is probably deadly poisonous,” suggested Rollington. “Give it up, Captain. She’s not worth your time.”
Annabelle gasped. “How DARE you! I love any gifts that I receive!”
Rollington rolled his eyes once more. “That is because you are spoiled. You love getting gifts because you love the attention.”
Sterling’s eyes lit up at that point. “You know… Maybe we could give her a present, what she really wants, and let her face the consequences if it turns out bad for her. What say you, sister?”
Annabelle smiled brightly and squealed happily. “YES! YES! GIMME GIMME GIMME!”
He turned towards the forest, looking up at the verdant leaves. “Shame I can’t really be bothered to go back in there, though. It’s not like a unicorn will simply walk out of the woods and start eating right out of your palm…”
In the top of the tree Sterling was looking at, the two elves heard those words, and understood the signal. Mirlara’s brother her a glance that telegraphed a clear signal: It’s time.
Mirlara winked at her sibling, and started climbing down the tree, making her way towards a leather strap tied to a low-hanging tree branch around fifty feet away.
“Well, I guess it’s time we head home, then,” said Sterling. “I’ll think of something to get you to compensate for the fact that unicorns aren’t real after all.”
“NOO! I WANT A UNICORN NOW! NOW NOW NOOOWWW!” Annabelle practically screamed in her brother’s ear.
He glared at her, as stern and firm as a big brother should be. “Sorry, Annabelle. I don’t know what else to tell you. Unicorns. Don’t. Ex—”
Then a whinnying noise made everyone turn.
Annabelle’s eyes widened. “A UNICORN! YOU GOT ME A UNICORN!”
His eyes widened. “My God, they are real…”
Sterling leaned towards Clara, and whispered, “Get in the cart with Sarissa, and tell Rollington to get out of here, pronto. I’ll catch up.”
Clara looked up at Sterling. “But your wounds…”
“Trust me on this,” said Sterling. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Okay…” Clara reluctantly let go of Sterling and kissed his cheek. She looked at Rollington. “Sterling says we need to leave.”
Rollington smiled and nodded at Clara. “Lady Clara, come with me and I shall take you back to the palace.” Clara nodded and followed Rollington, not taking her eyes off of her beloved prince.
Sarissa was already ahead of the two, getting into the cart and laying down on his stomach. “You. Medic. Tend to my wounds. Now.” Clara sighed and reluctantly did just that, making sure her methods were just a tad painful.
Meanwhile, Annabelle ran up to the unicorn and picked up a small handful of grass. “Here, Sweetie. Are you hungry? I have some grass for you! Freshly picked, look!”
The unicorn took one look at her, and then snorted. Next moment, she heard a loud RIIIIPPPP as it swung its head, and felt a cool breeze on her legs. Annabelle’s eyes widened and she turned away, trying to gather her now demolished dress. “WAAAAAAAAHHHHH! NOBODY LOOK AT MEEEE!”
The unicorn snorted again, pawing the ground with a cloven hoof. Sterling would almost swear it had a rather smug grin on its equine face.
In her panic, Annabelle tripped and fell, landing on her face, her exposed bottom up in the air. Annabelle looked round just in time to see it lowering its head. “Um… N-nice unicorn? Good… sweet… one-horned… creature…”
Sterling had backed up all the way to a nearby tree by this point, trying to stifle a giggling fit. “Because I love you, sister,” he called out to Annabelle, “I suggest you run!”
The unicorn broke into a canter, aiming its horn at the princess’ bottom. Annabelle squealed and scrambled to get up, but the unicorn was too fast. It swiftly closed the distance, and she only had time to shriek “NO! I’M A VIRGIN!!” before it speared her left butt cheek with its gilded horn, lifting her into the air. “OOOWWWIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
With a toss of its head, the unicorn flung Annabelle towards the same tree that Sterling was under. She sailed through the air, holding her punctured bottom. One of the branches jutting from the tree managed to catch her panties, stopping her from falling and giving her a vicious wedgie. “YYYEEEAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH! NOOOO!”
This of course left Sterling, who was now directly below his distressed sister, as the only thing for the unicorn to take out its temper on. He yelped as that horn was lowered again, pointed at his crotch this time, but then he realized that he was standing with his back to the tree, and an idea crossed his mind.
The unicorn pawed the ground again before breaking into a charge, but Sterling held his ground. Just before it made contact, he leapt aside, it slammed into the tree with enough force that its horn punctured the bark, getting stuck and being unable to free itself.
Sterling wasted no time, deciding to make a break for it. But he didn’t envy his sister one bit, a thought that made him smile as he headed off in the direction of the cart.
As for Annabelle, she suddenly felt an ominous jolt, and the branch began to give way. The wood started to creak ominously, and once again jolted the panicking princess downward. She glanced down to see the unicorn beginning to pull its horn free from the tree trunk, snorting dangerously.
“OH NO! NO NONO! I DO NOT DESERVE THIIIISSSS!” Annabelle screamed.
CRACK!
“AAAAAHHHHHH!! NOOOOO! PLEASE, NOOOO!!!”
C-C-C-CRACCCK!!
“HEEELLLLPPP! PLEASE SOMEONE HEELLLLPPP! STERRLLLLIIIIINNNNGGGG!! SARISSAAAAAAA!!!”
SNAP!
With a terrible scream, Annabelle plummeted from the tree as the branch was finally torn free from her weight. Just in time, the unicorn pulled its horn loose from the trunk, turning its head such that the tip of its horn was aimed straight upwards, in the precise direction of Annabelle’s right lower cheek.
SHUNK!
“YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWCCHHHH!!!!”
Annabelle screamed louder than she had ever thought she could, her bottom having been pierced a second time.
The unicorn trotted off with its shrieking prize, and as soon as it had a clear shot, it turned to face the direction of the human kingdom before swinging its head.
“AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Annabelle was flung into the air and was airborne for quite a while, soaring in an arc through the sky before seeing the cart ahead of and below her. Desperately, she tried to steer her body towards the cart… but, as luck would have it, she missed, instead landing butt-first in a patch of stinging nettles.
CRNNNCH!
“EEEYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCCCHHHHHIIIIEEEEE!!”
Sterling was just about to enter the cart when he heard the scream, turning his head to see his sister.
“Right on schedule,” he said with a rueful smile. “Well… Looks like you’ll be having three patients tonight, eh, Clara?”
Clara grumbled something inaudible under her breath and nodded. “Yeah… Lucky me…” She shook her head disapprovingly, and Rollington rolled his eyes, again, in agreement with Clara.
It was a few more minutes, including plenty more screeching from the agonized princess, before the royals of Altaira were on their way once more. And it would be less than a day after that when entering the forest of Alarane was decreed illegal.
As the cart rolled off into the distance, a pair of elf mages (plus one unicorn) observed it from the cover of some bushes at the edge of the enchanted woods.
“That,” the redhead laughed, “was beautiful. Maybe next time that brat will think twice about sending unwitting pawns into our woods to please her!”
Mirlara smirked in agreement. “Definitely. It’s like Professor Aranel told us once: Be careful with what you demand of people. You just might get it.”
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